


Getting Closer

by CheolGirlfriend



Series: SEVENTEEN IMAGINES [17]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Caratland, F/M, Seventeen - Freeform, Supernatural - Freeform, getting closer, imagine, kpop, svt - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-09-27 21:04:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 37,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17169368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CheolGirlfriend/pseuds/CheolGirlfriend
Summary: Some dreams are reality to others ;)





	1. I

_She opened her eyes; her surroundings, unfamiliar._   
_Looking around, she realized, she was at a bus station._   
_Though it seemed she had just woken from sleep, sitting on a bench, she had no idea how she got there._   
_It was all a bit confusing._   
_Checking herself, she was holding a pinwheel on her right hand, a 6-rotored rainbow-colored pinwheel._   
_It was spinning slightly, the movement somewhat hypnotic._   
_Gently placing the curious object down, she stood up and slowly started walking._   
_Noticing the bus stops and the signs on the stores, she realized she was in Seoul._   
_She had long planned to visit South Korea._   
_Her favorite band was a K-Pop group and she wanted to watch one of their local concerts._   
_Always, her travel plans included friends or family._   
_Now, she was actually there, alone. Weird._   
_Still a little dazed and unable to get her bearings, her surroundings felt surreal._   
_Everyone around her spoke Korean and she seemed to have no difficulty understanding them._   
_But she did not speak nor understand Korean. How come?_   
_It seemed like some bizarre fantasy._   
_Most probably, she was just dreaming._   
_Now, she is literally, dreaming of being in South Korea._   
_This made her laugh._   
_She brushed off the oddity of her situation and decided to enjoy the moment._   
_She became fascinated with everything she saw and heard._   
_Since it was all just a dream, her “trip” would surely end soon._   
_She had to make the most of her stay._   
_Enjoying the sights and sounds, the modern architecture, and the cool and clean environment, she wondered if this was how Seoul really looked like, or if it was just the image in her mind._   
_She roamed around and started exploring._   
_She ended up in some of the narrower, less busy streets._   
_Surprisingly, she did not feel lost._   
_Her surroundings felt familiar, the street she was on even appeared similar to one of the spots where Seventeen does their lives or reality videos._   
_The narrow street and the houses brought to mind episodes of SVT’s One Fine Day in Yeoseodo._   
_The idea of being on the same spot where her K-Pop idols had been, “lost” in an unfamiliar place, gave her a crazy idea._   
_After all, it was her dream and she can do whatever she wanted._   
_Taking a long, deep inhale, she shouted at the top of her lungs!_

_“CHOI SEUNGCHEEEEEOOOOOL!”_

_He was one of 13 members of her favorite K-Pop group SVT; her bias._   
_She couldn’t stifle her belly laugh at what she just did, imagining him spontaneously answering back from somewhere._   
_What she didn’t expect was the familiar voice that came from behind her._

_“What?”_

_Slowly, nervously, she turned around._   
_CHOI FREAKIN’ SEUNGCHEOL WAS RIGHT THERE!_   
_IN THE FLESH!_   
_WHAT IS HAPPENING?!_   
_Her world started to spin. She felt dizzy._   
_Before she knew it, her knees weakened and she started falling._   
_The last thing she saw was Seungcheol’s surprised face, as he came running towards her, catching her before she hit the ground._   
_Then, everything went black._

\-----

For the last couple of weeks, I always woke up feeling tired.  
So tired. As if I had not slept a wink even though I actually spent 8 to 9 hours in bed, unconscious.  
I don’t really understand why.  
I thought, maybe, it was because my body was still adapting to my job; I worked the night shift.  
But it has been 3 months now, almost. I should have gotten used to it already, right?  
I lie in bed, staring at the ceiling, trying to think about it.  
Hmm...

“Denisse! Get up!”

My friends were calling from outside my room.  
We scheduled to buy winter clothes today, among other tasks on our “To Do” list..  
I live in a tropical country but, in less than two weeks, we’ll be boarding a plane to Seoul to attend Caratland.  
This was our last chance to get our shopping done.

“Dude! Get dressed! We need to leave early or else, we’ll be stuck in traffic for God knows how many hours again!”  
“Fine! Just give me 10 minutes!”

I showered and brushed my teeth then off we went.

Just a quick intro.  
My friends call me Denisse.  
I am in love with K-Pop, especially Seventeen or SVT.  
I actually met my current circle of friends because of Seventeen.  
About my friends, we actually just met recently.  
It hasn’t been a year since our little circle was formed.  
After experiencing our first Seventeen concert together, we decided to level it up and attend Caratland the following year.  
So here we are, shopping for clothes that we would need to survive Korea.  
We tried to stick to the safe colors like black, white, and gray.  
However, we couldn’t stop ourselves from buying a few rose quartz and serenity here and there, SVT’s colors.  
We had our hair done, as well.  
We thought bold colors wouldn’t hurt.  
Getting back from a day of shopping and pampering, we were more excited about our upcoming trip than we have ever been.  
We still have a week before our trip, but everything’s packed and ready.  
We made sure we brought everything we needed because all our extra money were to be spent on merchandise, and not on things that we forgot to bring.  
It’s only a week’s wait but it felt like the longest week in my entire life.


	2. II

_She woke up inside a convenience store._   
_There was a 6-rotored rainbow-colored pinwheel spinning at the counter, similar to what she held in her hand._   
_She was having another dream._   
_Going through the aisles, she saw that everything was in Korean._   
_Is she in Seoul? Again? Still?_   
_As she looked up, the answer became clear, and confusing at the same time._   
_The guy standing in front of her was Choi Seungcheol._   
_When their eyes met, his face registered surprise and he blurted out,_

_“You! You were the one who disappeared last week!”_

_She was confused, and a little intimidated._   
_What was he talking about?_   
_“The one who disappeared?”_   
_Well, it was a dream._   
_Maybe she did disappear, whatever._   
_But, since it was her dream, she decided to take charge and mustered enough courage to offer a response._

_“Hi, Cheol! Nice to see you!”_   
_“Whoa! How do you know me? Who are you?”_   
_“Oh, of course I know you! I’m a carat!”_   
_“Well, that explains how you know who I am but you still didn’t answer my last question. Who are you?”_

_Since this was her dream anyway, she spontaneously decided to give him the name she used before she became a carat._

_“Well, my name is Alecx.”_  
 _“What kind of name is that?”_  
 _“Well, I’m not from here.”_  
_“I kinda figured that out since you can vanish into thin air. So what are you?”_  
_“What? I only meant I’m not Korean, Cheol.”_  
 _“Huh? So can all international fans do that?”_  
 _“Do what? I’m confused. What are you talking about exactly?”_  
 _“I swear, you disappeared right in front of my eyes in that alley last week. I even tried to catch you ‘coz you seemed about to faint.”_  
 _“You know what? I think you’re just overworked and you’re starting to see things. That is not possible. People can’t just disappear into thin air.”_  
 _“That’s what I thought, too. But then I saw you, and the next moment, you were gone.”_

_She laughed._   
_What was her mind doing with her dream?_   
_This was such a weird Seungcheol._

_“You know what? You should just go home and rest.”_   
_“That’s what I plan to do. This is just too weird.”_

_They both went to the counter to pay for the stuff they got._   
_They agreed to meet outside after._   
_She made him go first._   
_She couldn’t help being awed by how tall he was and how broad his shoulders were._   
_She felt giddy and couldn’t stop smiling._   
_She almost got caught staring at the back of his head when he turned to her briefly, his face still puzzled while his eyes seeming to smile._   
_Was he actually happy to see her?_   
_When his turn came, Seungcheol paid at the counter and went out._   
_She was about to pay next but the cashier had to get some product from the storage._   
_She was waiting for the cashier to come back when she noticed the pinwheel stop._   
_Then, everything started spinning and went black._

\-----

My alarm went off the moment I opened my eyes.  
I can’t believe only a week has passed.  
The last 7 days took forever.  
It felt like the day would never come.  
Today is our flight to Seoul.  
I can’t possibly be late.  
In a blink, I jumped out of bed and got on my feet.  
I had to get ready, quick.  
I’m sure, my friends are already wondering where I was.

An hour later, I made my way through the airport gates.  
We took an early flight at dawn so our plane touched down at Seoul just before noon.  
We still have a couple of days before Caratland, the main reason for us coming here in the first place.  
Although it was already February, it was still a bit chilly, even with the sun out.  
It was the perfect weather to explore.  
My friends decided to stroll around and navigate the streets of Seoul.  
Since there was nothing specific to do, Caratland being two days away, we all agreed to stretch our legs in Seoul.  
Walking around, I had a deja vu.  
I felt a strange familiarity with the street we were at.  
I’ve never travelled outside my own country, so I know I’ve never been here before.  
Maybe, the street just had similarities with the business districts back home, with the building being modern and all.  
Also, having watched SVT’s lives and videos a million times, Korea would likely seem familiar to us by now even if we were all first-timers.  
I believe that explains it.  
We managed to visit just a few shops and just marked some of the places we would visit tomorrow and the remaining days after the concert.  
One day is simply t not enough to tour the whole city.  
When we got back to our hotel, the evening sky was already full of stars and the night air felt cooler. Having enjoyed a hearty Korean meal, we were eager to get under warm sheets, place our head on a pillow and get some serious zzz’s...


	3. III

_She was standing in front of a café._   
_She noticed the pinwheel spinning by the door as she went in._   
_She didn’t notice the name of the café but she recognized a very familiar figure._   
_He had his back towards her but she’d know that figure anywhere._   
_He was at the counter, ordering a whole lot of drinks._   
_She realized she was dreaming again._   
_With a skip in her step, she went up to greet him._

_“Ya! Choi Seungcheol!”_

_He turned around, surprised and confused at first. He did manage to smile after seeing and recognizing her._

_“Hey! Girl-who-suddenly-leaves-me-everytime-I-talk-to-her!”_

_She laughed._   
_Her mind was really making up a very funny Seungcheol, quite unlike the image of the real person._   
_This is probably her mind’s way of relieving her stress._

_“It’s Alecx, in case you forgot. And you’re funny. But I honestly don’t know what you are talking about.”_   
_“Of course I’m funny. I’m the funniest in Seventeen.”_   
_“Sure you are.”_

_Alecx was how her pre-carat era friends called her._   
_Also, she honestly thought Seungkwan as the funniest SVT member, with his impersonations._   
_But this confident Seungcheol was too adorable to oppose._

 

_“Hmmm. Why do I feel like you’re just forced to say that?”_

_She laughed again, her usual belly laugh._   
_This confident Seungcheol was really a version she wanted to see every day._

_“Drinks at the counter for S.Coups!”_

_They both turned to the claiming area._

_“Are those for the other members?”_   
_“Yeah. I lost at a game again and this is the punishment.”_   
_“Wow. I bet Jeonghan did some kind of ‘magic’ for that to happen, huh?”_   
_“You know what? I actually think so, too.”_

_They both laughed._

_“I really like your laugh, Alecx. It’s contagious.”_

_She thought this felt so good._   
_They were talking really comfortably._   
_She was thankful this was all happening in a dream._   
_Otherwise, she wouldn’t have had the courage to approach him, much less talk to him._

_“You should get going. The boys are probably waiting for those.”_   
_“That’s too bad. I wanted to stay a little longer, but...”_

_She felt his hesitation and the disappointment in his voice._   
_They were already leaving the café and were about to part ways._

_“We can just meet again. How about a planned meeting next time?”_

_Wow! She never thought she’d be setting up a date with Choi Seungcheol, even in a dream._

_“That would be totally awesome.”_

_He seemed quite pleased with her suggestion._

_“Cool! Same café at 6pm tomorrow?”_

_“It’s a date!”_

_Cheol said that with a wink as he went off._   
_She was (for lack of a better term) attacked._   
_Then, everything went black._

\-----

My friends and I woke up very early because of the cold air circulating in our hotel room.  
We turned up the heater and managed to shower and get dressed quickly.  
We decided to spend the whole day visiting the rest of the tourist spots we missed during yesterday’s outing.  
Out itinerary included historical sites and food districts.  
Of course, we had to try bingsu and samgyeopsal.  
We went to the palace first and had our photos taken wearing hanbok.  
We roamed around and had a whole lot of photoshoot sessions at almost every corner of the palace.  
I guess it was more tiring than we expected so, when we felt hunger pangs reminding us that we had not had a bite to eat, we just went to the nearest place we saw.  
McDonald’s.  
Bingsu and samgyeopsal would simply have to wait.  
Feeling quite worn out, with all the outfit changes and posing we did for the camera, we returned to the hotel just before 6pm.  
After a quick shower, we all turned in early for a good night’s sleep.  
After all, we needed to wake up early the next morning to prepare for the concert.


	4. IV

_She walked into the café._   
_She couldn’t remember how she got there but she seemed to know where to go._   
_She suddenly saw Seungcheol at a far table, by the window._   
_She somehow knew he was waiting for her._

_“Alecx!”_

_He waved at her, calling her over._   
_She felt weird._   
_What was she doing here?_   
_She noticed the table center piece, a pinwheel spinning._   
_She realized, she was dreaming again._   
_Smiling, she made her way to join her “date.”_

_“Gosh! What took you so long? I’ve been waiting!”_

_It was just a dream so why was he making such a fuss?_   
_Confused, the only thing she knew to do was apologize._

_“I’m really sorry.”_   
_“You should be. You’re the one who set this date and yet you’re the one who’s late. Ooh! That rhymed!”_

_She laughed._

_“You’re cute.”_   
_“I know.”_   
_“Shit! Did I say that out loud?”_

_She covered her mouth with her hands, embarrassed at what she just blurted out._   
_He laughed._

_“Now, you’re being cute.”_

_He stood and pulled up the empty chair across from where he sat._   
_He gestured for her to sit down._   
_Such a gentleman, she thought._

_“I already ordered by the way, I hope you don’t mind.”_   
_“It’s all good. I’m just gonna go order mine.”_   
_“I meant, I already ordered for the both of us.”_   
_“Ohhh. Alright.”_

_When the orders came, he got her an iced chocolate drink._   
_She looked at Seungcheol, confused and surprised._   
_One, it was what she usually orders._   
_Two, she wondered how the heck he knew, considering it was just their “first date.”_   
_She continued to stare at him in amazement._

_“What? That’s the only caffeine-free drink they have here.”_   
_“Uhm, so?”_   
_“You can’t drink caffeine. That’s bad for your health.”_   
_“You’re drinking a freakin’ Americano!”_   
_“I’m not you.”_

_He shrugged his shoulders and took a sip of his Americano._   
_She shook her head as she tried not to laugh._   
_A small smile still escaped her lips, though._   
_She really thought this Seungcheol was adorable._   
_Her mind was probably making up the best Seungcheol she imagined._

_However, the idea of not being given a choice and being subjected to double standards continued to brew in her mind and she felt slightly rebellious._

_“This is so unfair.”_   
_“It really is.”_   
_“So you’re admitting you’re unfair?”_   
_“What? No. I thought you’re the one admitting you’re unfair?”_   
_“What? No. You’re the one who ordered these drinks?”_   
_“You came late and you didn’t tell me.”_   
_“Uhm. I don’t have the means to tell you, duh?!”_   
_“That’s right, because you didn’t ask for it and you should have.”_   
_“I don’t have my phone.”_   
_“Ugh. Fine. Just put your number in mine then.”_   
_“Is this your tactic for getting a cute girl’s number?”_

_She brazenly asked._

_“Whoaaa. I think a storm’s coming! The wind suddenly got stronger!”_   
_“Jerk!”_

_She called him jokingly, as she laughed while taking his phone to type in her number._

_“I guess my strategy’s effective though.”_

_He smiled naughtily while taking another sip of his coffee._

_“What?”_   
_“Well, I got your number.”_   
_“Excuse you. I don’t even like you, like you.”_   
_“Tss. Sure.”_

_That was a lie._   
_She likes him._   
_A lot._

_“You’re a carat, right?”_   
_“Yeah. Why?”_   
_“So who’s your bias?”_   
_“You. Duh.”_

_This was her dream so she was not scared to admit the truth.._   
_Seeing the smile on his face after hearing her answer was all the more rewarding._   
_This was literally her dream come true – telling Seungcheol that he was her bias straight to his face, without flinching._   
_She knew she could never be as honest in real life as she would definitely freeze in front of him._   
_Just like what happened when she went to their first concert and had a hi-touch encounter._   
_All she could do then was smile, and freeze._

_“Are you watching the concert tomorrow?”_   
_“Of course. Why?”_   
_“Nothing. See you there.”_   
_“Uhm? Am I not watching to ‘see - you - there’?”_

_He laughed._   
_He thought that that was funny, and too cute._   
_Especially the way she raised her hands to gesture the quotes at “see you there”._   
_He ruffled her hair._

_“Hey! I spent time fixing that!”_   
_“I know!”_

_He continued to mess with her hair, laughing even more._

_“Hey, I have to go and get ready.”_

_Whoa! She thought that this Seungcheol was so realistic._   
_He even had to attend rehearsals._

_“I want to stay but I really can’t with the concert tomorrow and all.”_   
_“It’s fine. It’s fine. Go ahead.”_   
_“I really had fun today.”_   
_“Me too, Cheol. I never thought I’d be able to see you like this.”_

_He smiled and went._   
_She looked at the pinwheel on the table._   
_As soon as it stopped spinning, everything went black._

\-----

It was the last day for Caratland!  
Everything went by so fast!  
Seungcheol and I had a lot of eye contact moments!  
Wow!  
Hahahahaha.  
I’m just kidding!  
I don’t know.  
I just sometimes feel like he sees me for real.  
But I’m crazy, so it’s probably just me.  
LOL!  
Anyway...  
We all felt so tired and hungry after the concert.  
Maybe, our adrenalin was already running low since the 3-day concert was all over and we were homebound in two days.  
We decided that tonight, we shall satisfy our bingsu and samgyeopsal cravings.  
Upon entering the restaurant, we could not believe our eyes.  
THE WHOLE SEVENTEEN GANG WAS THERE!  
WHAT THE ACTUAL HECK?!  
My friends and I looked at each other and we sort of screamed and shrieked “silently” with our eyes.  
We didn’t want to be kicked out so we avoided creating a commotion over the boys.  
We wanted to respect their privacy, knowing how hard they worked and how tired they all must be.  
We didn’t want to make a scene so we discreetly entered and took the table nearest them.  
We were happy and satisfied being able to eat “with them” even just this once.  
The eldest in our group, Lisa, started ordering for the four of us.  
Celene and I were actually helping Sab recover. She was frozen upon seeing Woozi, her bias.  
Soon, the food arrived and we forgot that we were eating beside our idols.  
We started to relax and slowly returned to being the loud group we usually were.  
Celene stood up to go to the restroom.

“Denisse! Hand me my phone, please!”

I, being our group’s “maknae,” obligingly stood up, went across to her side and gave her the phone.  
I could’ve sworn that Seungcheol was looking over at us when I went back to my seat.  
Maybe, he heard our group talking about them at some point and realized we were carats.  
Well, whatever.  
We already decided not to disturb them since they deserved to chill and relax after the tiring concert they just had.  
Maybe, next time.  
If there ever would be a next time…  
When we got back to our hotel, I immediately charged my phone.  
It was totally drained during the concert because I wanted to take photos and videos of the whole thing.  
When it got charged enough and turned on, the first notification I saw was a message from an unknown number in Kakao.

“Hey, Alecx! Are you at *********?”

Who the heck was this?  
Only my friends who knew the pre-carat me called me Alecx.  
Maybe, one of my old friends was there as well but I didn’t notice since all I saw were my carat friends and Seventeen.  
I decided to reply.

“Yes, I was. But who’s this?”  
“Cheol ☺”  
“Haha. Very funny. Who is this? Legit.”  
“You gave me your number, remember?”

I tried remembering which friend I gave my Kakao number to.  
No one came to mind.  
This was weird.

Was someone playing a prank?  
Do I block this person?


	5. V

Last week went by so quickly.  
Going to Korea, attending Caratland, and even having a meal “with” Seventeen, sort of a “Last Supper.”  
Even the trip home happened in a flash.  
Everything was over in a blink, just like a dream.  
However, my dream didn’t stop there.  
After I finished unpacking, returning items to their usual spot and separating my laundry for the cleaners, I got around to opening my Mac.  
I logged in to check my messages, anticipating nothing special in my Inbox.  
Then the most awesome news came!  
There was an e-mail from Pledis, the Pledis.  
I was being invited to join their production team in Korea.  
A year ago, Pledis made an announcement inviting applicants of various nationalities to become part of their organization.  
Their talent pool was fast growing and they decided that diversity in their people was key in making sure that ideas and strategies remain fresh.  
I still couldn’t believe my eyes that I had to read the message a couple of times more.

“Congratulations!  
We invite you to join our production team for one of our K-Pop groups, Seventeen.”

Did I save Korea during the Joseon Era?  
I must have done something great for this is literally, a dream-come-true!  
After posting on Facebook and uploading an IG story about my good fortune, I immediately called friends and family and giddily shared the great news!  
In so many words, I declared, “Finally, I am going to Korea to work for Seventeen!”  
My start date wasn’t until the following month but I decided to fix everything early.  
I would not let any unexpected mishap prevent me from taking advantage of this once in a lifetime opportunity.  
NO WAY!  
After going through the dreamlike experience of boarding the Philippine Airlines plane and alighting in Incheon Airport, I took an Airbus to Seoul.  
I settled in without much trouble in the living quarters provided for Pledis employees.  
Eager to start on my first day of work, I got in a little too early.  
Actually I had a hard time sleeping the night before because I was too excited and anxious.  
I got in bed early but only drifted to sleep a couple of hours after.  
I was still a little sleepy when I woke up.  
But I didn’t want to be late so I forced myself to get out of bed and on my feet when my alarm rang at 5:00 AM. I started my morning routine with my mind still half-awake. It’s my first day and I had to make a positive first impression.  
Before leaving, I did a final check so I did not forget anything.  
Sure enough, I had with me my specially dedicated Carat Journal where I planned to document every detail of my days with my beloved SVT.  
Now, I am all set.  
When I got to Pledis, I was a bit hesitant to enter as it seemed almost empty at first.  
But I did not want to lurk outside the building so I talked myself into walking in.  
In one of the rooms, I found one girl who appeared to be in her mid-twenties, busily tapping away on her laptop.  
Though I didn’t want to intrude, I couldn’t just go further in without introducing myself.  
That would be rude.  
So putting on my sweetest smile, I greeted her and silently wished she would be nice.

“Hi! I’m Denisse, the new production staff from the Philippines.”  
“Oh, hi! You’re early! I’m Hana, one of the head staff.”

She stood up and bowed.  
I did the same.  
I’ve seen this gesture so many times in the many K-Dramas I watched that I’m sure I did it perfectly.

“Sorry, I can’t attend to you right away. I still need to fix some stuff before your orientation starts.”  
“That’s okay, no worries. Uhm, could you just direct me to where the restroom is?”  
“Oh, it’s at the end of the hall. Beside it is the lounge area. You can stay there while waiting for your fellow PDs.”  
“Okay, thanks.”  
“You’re welcome, Denisse. Just try to make yourself at home.”  
“It’s nice to meet you, Hana. I’ll see you later then.”

She nodded and directed her attention back to her laptop.  
I went straight to the lounge area as instructed.  
When I arrived at the room, there were a number of seating areas with couches and different types of chairs, just like in Starbucks.  
I chose one of the couches in the farthest corner.  
I wanted to still catch some precious zzz’s.  
I had to be fully awake and alert for later.  
I was almost two hours early after all.  
Just when I hit the couch, my eyelids drooped almost instantly, and I was off to oblivion.

\-----

_She didn’t know how she got there._  
_This was becoming a trend._  
_She just recognized that she was in the Pledis building._  
_This was too exciting!_  
_Besides the many posters on the wall, she had seen the same familiar halls in the tons of VLives of Seventeen, each broadcast she eagerly watched._  
_She noticed a pinwheel beside her, spinning ever so slightly._  
_She must be dreaming again._  
_Being in the Pledis building gave her such familiarity, it almost felt like home._  
_She stood up and went out of the room and entered the restroom just beside it._  
_She went straight in and quickly occupied one of the three (3) cubicles._  
_After putting in her earphones, she started listening to her SVT playlist._  
_Quite naturally, she started singing along._

**_“Question & answer tto mot deureun cheok_ **  
**_gwaenhi moreuneun cheokhaebwado_ **  
**_I know you already know that_ **  
**_I I I I want you baby you know_ **  
**_I I I need you Ha_ **  
**_neol bomyeon U ooh nado mollae U ooh_ **  
**_honjaseoman U ooh I’m asking you_ **  
**_neol bomyeon U ooh nado mollae U ooh_ **  
**_tto honjaseo U ooh I’m asking you Our Q &A_ **

**_gamsuseong teochyeo memojangi gadeuk chasseo_ **  
**_myeot gae golla deonjin yudojilmune_ **  
**_pisik useo neomgyeo_ **  
**_botong yeogan naegi anya_ **  
**_donggong jijin nandan marya_ **  
**_seumugogae neomeo seumulhanainde_ **  
**_dabeul moreugetdan marya---“_ **

_When she was about to take a step out of the restroom, everything went black._

\-----

I woke up with Hana slightly shaking my shoulder.

“Denisse, wake up. We’re about to start with the orientation.”  
“Oh, alright. Thank you so much.”

There was no more time to go to the restroom so I was only able to do a quick touch-up.  
I saw that everyone was entering the conference room across the hall; I barely restrained myself from rubbing my eyes in disbelief.  
Wow!  
I never thought I’d see this in person.  
THIS is the room where Seventeen does their random VLives.

“Everyone please settle down. We’ll start in a few minutes.”

Looking around, I noticed that only 6 of us appeared to be newbies.  
All the rest looked like they already knew what they were supposed to do; the six of us looked kind of lost.  
Not long after, the door opened and revealed the most breath-taking sight I have ever seen in my life.  
One by one, the members of Seventeen walked in making their usual bows, led by their General Leader Choi Seungcheol.  
Their faces all seemed to be glowing.  
Oh my!  
They settled in, taking their designated seats across ours.  
Hana moved to the front and started the orientation.

“Hi, everybody! My name is Hana. I’m the head staff here for Seventeen. Joining us today are our new recruits.”

Everyone looked around and nodded to each other in acknowledgement.  
I felt too shy and star-struck to really make eye contact with any of the Seventeen members but I tried my best to greet them.

“Since there are six of you, two will be assigned to each of the three units. It’s your job to assist them and primarily teach them English. As you all know, the main reason we hired you is because Seventeen has become popular and are gaining more international fans. It is essential for them to be able to interact better with their Carats, wherever they are on the globe.”  
“My assistant, Trixie, will announce your assignments.”

Oh my gosh!  
More time with SVT!  
What a gift!

“Hello everyone. My name is Trixie. I’m here to help you out during the first few months of your stay. Until such time that you have fully adjusted to your life here in Seoul. You can raise any of your questions or concerns with me and I’d be happy to address them. For now, I’ll be giving out your assignments, specifically, which SVT unit you’ll be assisting.”

“For the Performance Unit, we have assigned Pam and Shen.”

The two newbies smiled and bowed facing the members of their assigned group.  
They both seemed happy with the group they were to assist.  
I also enjoyed dancing and it would have been amazing watching them do the choreographies, from conceptualization to their flawless execution.  
But I had no objections for not being chosen.

“As for the Vocal Unit, we have chosen those with the most experience in singing and composing based on the resumes they gave. We have Denisse and Aubrey. And finally, last but not the least, ---“

Hearing Trixie mention my name then, I made a half-hearted bow.  
I sort of tuned out as I felt kind of torn.  
Of course, listening to Seungkwan and DK hit their high notes, with Joshua and Jeonghan harmonizing like angels, not to mention watching master composer Woozi at work, would be heavenly.  
But I did secretly wish to be assigned to HHU because Cheol is there.  
I guess, maybe they needed me more in Vocal Unit.  
Ending my internal conversation, I just tuned back in to what was happening around that I barely heard and understood what was being said.

“Hana ssi! Can we have Denisse instead?”

WHAT THE ACTUAL HECK?!  
AM I DREAMING WHILE AWAKE?  
WHAT IS HAPPENING? DID I JUST DOZE OFF TO FANTASYLAND?  
DID I HEAR CHOI SEUNGCHEOL MENTION MY NAME?  
HOW DID HE KNOW WHO I WAS?  
MORESO, DID HE REALLY ASK FOR ME?

I felt my heart beating faster and louder in my chest, I almost stopped breathing.  
Everyone became silent and looked at Cheol, waiting for an explanation.  
He did not offer any.  
He just shrugged his shoulders like this was nothing out of the ordinary.  
Rarely did he speak up during these meetings.  
Hana, caught off-guard and seeing no harm since everyone would still be in the same team, decided to simply go with the request.

“Oh, alright then. Denisse you go with Sam in assisting the Hip Hop Unit.”

Hana typed the changes on her laptop. Trixie waited for the final matrix.  
Still shocked, I just nodded and bowed, now more sincerely.  
When I raised my gaze, I saw Cheol looking at me, like it was the first time he saw me.  
And he was nodding, sort of smiling, I was not sure.  
Was he happy for having gotten his way or was there some other reason?  
Am I being pranked again?  
Just like what happened the night before we left Seoul.  
I received a text from someone claiming to be “Cheol” to whom I was supposed to have given my number earlier.  
Knowing that it was quite impossible to have the actual “Cheol” of SVT text me, besides having had my fair share of prank calls, even the disgusting lewd ones, I quickly turned off my phone.  
After all, I was not expecting any calls as it was already late and we had an early flight back home the next morning.

“Last but not the least, for the Vocal Unit, we’re assigning Aubrey and DG.”

After all the new PDs were finally assigned, we were given time to get to know the members of the respective units we were assigned to, and feel more comfortable in assisting them.  
I felt butterflies in my stomach, too real that I thought they were about to come out of my mouth.  
I tried so hard hiding all the emotions bursting out of me.  
It could have been obvious still because I could not wipe away the huge smile almost splitting my face in half.  
Sam and I talked to the four SVT members of the HHU.  
We had a short Q & A to get to know them better, on a personal level.  
They were quite honest and teased each other about personal quirks.  
We had fun laughing while they “exposed” each other’s embarrassing habits.  
So typical!  
I took down notes in my Carat Journal.  
When Hana announced that we were going to some restaurant for a team breakfast after our session, I read over what I just wrote:

_HIP HOP UNIT (HHU)_  
_1\. Vernon_  
_● Speaks English well; does not need much help in this area_  
_● Able to organize his personal items well_  
_● Seems to forget a whole damn lot; needs help so he does not lose things_  
_2\. Mingyu_  
_● Most talkative HHU member_  
_● Really wants to learn English because he wants more people to understand his IG posts_  
_● Wants to impress people whenever he gets chosen as host or MC for shows_  
_● Independent; organizes his things well so he can take care of his needs most of the time_  
_3\. Wonwoo_  
_● Most eager to learn English because a lot of the books he wants to read are published in English_  
_● Needs help in organizing his things_

To be honest, I was a bit surprised.  
Although Wonwoo had been broadcasting in their past interviews about his love for reading, I didn’t think he took it that seriously.  
He really is a bookworm, just like me.  
I thought that we could exchange reading lists when we get a bit closer later.  
When it was Cheol’s turn to share, he was a bit tentative at first.  
He mostly looked at Sam and the other members.  
He seemed to avoid looking at me, and when he did look, he quickly shifted his attention to some other person in the group.  
But he did request me to be there, so why the sudden awkwardness?  
Anyway, it could be nothing.  
It could just be me.  
Cheol mentioned that he and Wonwoo game a lot.  
Being roommates, their bedroom was usually a bit messy since they spent a lot of their spare time on the computer.  
Getting deeper into his story, he became more animated and yet more sincere.  
Cheol expressed his desire to learn English so he could interact better with international fans. Especially since he was the Leader, he felt responsible for showing a good example for the other members to follow.  
He even recalled a High-Touch encounter when they were on tour in Asia two years ago, for their Diamond Edge concert.  
There was this one girl he couldn’t forget.  
All 13 SVT members were lined up, ready to give high-fives to their fans.  
This brown-haired girl came up, wearing a white SVT hoodie with all members’ names printed on the sleeves.  
She had a pretty smile but it seemed she was in shock.  
Concerned, he wanted to ask if she was alright but because of the language barrier, he could only smile back.  
He wanted to be able to respond better next time, and not be completely helpless in making fans feel more appreciated.  
Afterall, such meetings did not come cheap for Carats.  
He added that the more pressing reason was being able to rap in English, just like Vernon.  
Since they were working on a new album, this was his immediate goal.  
When it came to organizing his things, he was the worst among the group.  
He didn’t mention it but Vernon teased him about it and he tried to cover Vernon’s mouth with his hand to prevent his “secret” from being spilled.  
The other two got into the action and all four went horsing around.  
Sam and I exchanged knowing stares.  
Boys will be boys.  
Teaching them English would be easier because Vernon was there to help us.  
Getting their things together would be the greater challenge, but we’ll make it!  
I figured, Sam and I can work on tidying up their living space and making sure they had everything they needed whenever they worked.  
I felt more confident after our first unit meeting and though I kind of had the gist of what they expected from us and what their real personalities are.  
Except, when I went over the rest of what I wrote...

_4\. Seungcheol_  
_●_

Oh no!  
Disappointed and slightly confused that I was not able to jot down notes, I slowly raised my head from my Carat Journal, somewhat frowning.  
My line of sight caught a hand, stretched right in front of me.  
Cheol was reaching out to me, looking at me with a bit of confusion.  
Apparently, I was too deep in thought that Hana already called everyone to get on the vans, ready for our breakfast destination.  
We two were the only ones left in the room.


	6. VI

Seventeen’s Japan Tour was about to begin next week.  

Almost all tickets for the month-long concert dates are already sold out, with less than 1% of the seats still available.

I already wrote down the different locations in my Carat Journal:

 

**_JAPAN TOUR_ **

_CONCERT DATE_

| 

_VENUE_  
  
---|---  
  
_April 2 and 3_

| 

_Tue / Wed_

| 

_Marine Messe Fukuoka, Fukuoka, Japan_  
  
_April 6 and 7_

| 

_Sat / Sun_

| 

_Marine Messe Fukuoka, Fukuoka, Japan_  
  
_April 9 and 10_

| 

_Tue / Wed_

| 

_Saitama Super Arena, Saitama, Japan_  
  
_April 19 and 20_

| 

_Fri / Sat_

| 

_Saitama Super Arena, Saitama, Japan_  
  
_April 25 and 26_

| 

_Thu / Fri_

| 

_Osaka Jo Hall, Osaka, Japan_  
  
 

Due to the group’s tight schedule, the English lessons were set aside for the moment.  

All of SVT were deep into their song and dance rehearsals, with less than a week to really prepare.  The weekend right before the concert series formally starts would be a break for them to rest and recharge.  

They had to be fully energized when they go back on stage, and be able to sustain the high level of energy until the end of the series.

I witnessed how SVT Members were so dedicated to their craft, “working” almost non-stop.  

The dance rehearsals usually began at 9 in the morning, and almost always stretched late into the night, with the last couple of days lasting as late as 3 the next morning.  

It was a good thing that every member seemed to enjoy what he was doing.

No one was complaining despite the many times they had to repeatedly dance to the same music. Just because one or two members failed to dance on point, missing the choreography by just a few degrees or a split second delay, Hoshi’s eagle eyes were too keen to overlook these “imperfections.”  

This attention to detail, combined with every member’s passionate commitment to his craft, definitely set the bar quite high for other performers to follow.

Interspersed between the day-long energy-sapping dance routines were short breaks.  

Majority went straight to the pantry to fuel up, having their fill from the snack bar and vendo.  

Some members listened to their favorite music while sitting.

One or two rested on the couch, releasing some of their tension by putting their feet up. 

During these downtimes, Sam and I made sure our boys were rehydrated, handing them water and towels.   

For our HHU, we made sure to have extra shirts on hand for a change of clothes, just in case some felt uncomfortable wearing their sweat-soaked ones.  

All four were always gracious and spent time talking to us, trying to make us comfortable, sharing funny stories and a joke or two, every now and then.   

Sam was a bit shy and often asked me to be the one to hand out the items specially requested by some of the members.   

She felt a  little intimidated because her Korean was not that good yet.  

Actually, I was not as fluent myself when I first came to Seoul earlier in the year.  

I was only able to brush up on my Korean and Nihongo after I received the e-mail from Pledis.  Confirming the invite to be valid, I immediately enrolled in some short courses and did some serious studying before I returned to Korea.   
I wanted to make sure I did not short change my SVT by coming unprepared.  

It also helped that I was forced to use what I learned right away, with the Korean lessons still fresh in my mind.  

Now, with just over a week of being in Seoul and with the Japan tour in sight, I gained confidence that language would no longer be a barrier for me.  

This was also the reason why Sam and I agreed that she would teach Mingyu with Vernon’s help, while I would take charge of Wonwoo and Cheol.

The Saturday right before the Japan Tour starts was the busiest for us PD’s.

We were scheduled to board Jeju Air that afternoon and fly to Fukuoka, Japan.  

Although it was only an hour-and-a-half flight, we had to be at the airport before lunch. 

We had a lot of luggage to check-in, including both costumes and equipment, on top of the personal luggages of the 13 SVT boys. 

Same as with the other PD’s handling the other units, we had to stay up late the night before and help our HHU boys pack their luggages.

Sam and I made sure they had easy access to some personal items during the course of the trip and made individual travel kits containing hand sanitizers, face masks, caps, towels, shades, gum, and wet wipes, among others.  

We love to pamper our babies! 

We also prepared checklists of what to bring so we would not leave behind anything important.

On top of the hustle-and-bustle of fitting everything in, we stripped down each member’s carry on bag to the bare necessities, items that we considered essential.

While most compromised and agreed to leave some of their bulkier personal items behind, Cheol had one item that he was adamant that he wouldn’t part with.  

When  picked it up, Cheol came swooping in, snatching it from my hand.

It was almost the same size as the packaging Carat Bongs were shipped in, which I thought was exactly what it was.   

 

“Please-seu!  I’d like to bring this with me.”

 

Seeing how he cradled the “Mystery Box” very gently like a baby, Sam and I agreed to let him have it.

He may be planning to give it as a gift to some lucky Japanese Carat, I thought to myself, feeling a slight pinch somewhere in my chest.  

Oh well, whatever.  

In addition to these preparations, we were tasked to find ways for our assigned units to relax, preventing them from engaging in strenuous activities that could either tire them out needlessly or cause them injury.  

Here, we had no problems with our HHU.

In the airport, after we checked-in the luggages, they were all quietly sitting  in the waiting area.

Since SVT was gaining popularity, a section of the Departure Gate where our plane was to dock was cordoned off.

Our HHU members were quietly keeping themselves busy.      

Mingyu was online, updating his Instagram account and reading comments.  

Vernon was on his phone, listening to his AJ Rafael playlist.  

Wonwoo was sitting in a corner, pocketbook in hand.

Cheol also had his earphones on, likely listening to some new music he was composing a rap for.

He mouthed words while nodding his head to a certain beat, seeming to try different combinations. Every now and then, he’d smile and write on his notebook, probably whenever his “lyrics” fit the measure of the music. 

He still had the “Mystery Box” with him, as if it was something too precious to lose sight of.

Just the same, all four seemed happy in their own worlds, so Sam and I were free to roam about.

The rest of the other SVT Units were also doing their own thing.  

Seungkwan and DK were joking around with Hoshi, The8 and Junhui.

Dino was on the phone, texting.

Jeonghan and Joshua were sitting together, napping.  

Woozi was seated at the far edge of the designated waiting area, somewhat isolated.

Maybe, he was working on one of his new compositions and preferred not to be distracted.

_ Master Woozi is at it again _ , I thought.   


In one video, I was so amazed watching how Woozi coached the other SVT members during recording, giving pointers on how to sing their lines better.

Even with very slight changes he recommended, the music sounded a lot better, and the other members agreed.   

He was awesome, a true genius able to come up with unique yet stirring harmonies.

Wanting to hear him work and with nothing better to do until boarding time which was a good three hours after, I stealthily sat behind Woozi. 

We were sitting back-to-back so I felt sure that he would not notice me.  

After all, he had his signature earplugs in and was probably deeply caught in his music, oblivious to his surroundings.

He was singing a familiar song, one of the 2017 hits of SVT’s Vocal Unit.

I always believed that every unit member brought a different vocal color that fit the different parts of SVT’s songs.

But I still wished the unit did more blending and harmonies in their collaborations.   

Knowing the melody, I sang acapella, in harmony with Woozi’s singing.  

It felt so good hearing how my second voice was blending unexpectedly well with his melody.

Two stanzas in, I surrendered to the song’s emotion and could not help but close my eyes while I continued singing.  

I tend to do so whenever I was deeply moved by what I heard.

Woozi was always passionate about music, whether original compositions or those he could create new versions of.

Often, his work gave each of the 13 SVT Members a chance to sing, though most of the more challenging parts were “reserved” for the Vocal Unit to perform.  

“Pinwheel” is a sweet mid-tempo ballad sung by SVT’s Vocal Unit whose members were showcased in a sentimental MTV released on October 16.

The recording lasts short of 4 minutes with all five Vocal Unit members singing their stanzas quite perfectly, in their own unique styles.

The song was already about 3 minutes in.

We were almost at the end and it was Woozi’s part.

 

 ** _Geuraedo uljima_** ** _  
_****_Seulpeul geo gatjiman_** ** _  
_****_Himihage nama_** ** _  
_******_Itneun neoreul wihae_

 

As I inhaled preparing for the remaining emotional stanzas, I suddenly realized after harmonizing two more lines that I was already singing “solo.”

I could no longer hear Woozi’s voice.  Did he get up and leave?

When I opened my eyes, Woozi was standing right in front me, staring at me dumbfounded.

Oh no!  

Was he infuriated because I invaded his personal space and his privacy?  

I slowly lowered my gaze to the floor, embarrassed about what just happened.

Before I could offer my apology, Woozi spoke up in a voice that was more excited than angry.

 

“Daebak! Where did you learn to do that?”

“Huh?!? Do… do what?”

 

Did he mean where I learned to be rude and impertinent?

I was waiting for a reprimand.

Instead, Woozi smiled, his eyes both lit up. 

 

“Sing like that, I mean.  I really liked how we sang in harmony from the beginning.”

 

I thought he was being sarcastic.

How could he have heard me singing with both ears covered?  

And from the beginning?  Really?

Looking at his personalized earplugs, he was really wearing the one in his right ear, the one I saw when I sat behind him.

However, the left one was actually just hanging out.

 

OMG!  DID I JUST SING MY HEART OUT FOR WOOZI TO HEAR?

THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING!

WHAT WILL HE THINK?

 

The other SVT Members noticed the crowd forming nearby.

Woozi was actually standing outside the cordoned-off area reserved for our group and some Carats already recognized him. 

However, he seemed oblivious to the growing audience snapping away with their phone cameras as he kept asking me questions.  

 

“Ya, Woozi-a!  Come closer please-seu!  You don’t want to cause trouble for our security, right?”

 

Hearing Cheol’s low voice, Woozi snapped out of his “trance.”

But he continued smiling and asked me to sit next to him.

Still apologetic, I bowed and agreed to transfer seats without any objection.

I shyly took the hand Woozi extended.

I needed help standing; my knees were too weak to support me. 

When I stood up and turned, I caught Cheol’s eyes on me.

He held my gaze a second longer than normal, curiosity showing on his face.

He lowered his eyes to Woozi’s hand holding mine, then he returned his gaze and looked me in the eyes once again, now with a glint of curiosity.

I had to pull away, I was feeling uncomfortable as if we were in a staring contest, although only a few seconds actually passed. 

I did not want to dwell on what Cheol may have been thinking about while staring at me, and Woozi and I “holding hands.”

Sitting beside Woozi and coming up with different harmonies gave me the distraction I needed.  

Seungkwan and DK joined us in singing; Jeonghan and Joshua too, when they woke from their nap. 

Until finally, the boarding time of our flight to Fukuoka, Japan came.  

I walked and boarded the plane with Woozi.  

Based on our boarding passes, my seat was farther along while his was near the front.

I noticed that most of our team were already seated.  

The whole Performance Unit was there; the Vocal unit too, except for Jeonghan, and Woozi who just boarded with me.

Mingyu was taking photos of the other HHU members.

When we reached Woozi’s seat, we reluctantly bid each other farewell, temporarily.

I really enjoyed singing and collaborating with him, helping him come up with different combinations while injecting some of my own runs here and there.

He seemed to enjoy it himself.

It was a riot when the other Vocal Unit members joined us earlier while still waiting for our flight.

I really had such fun, I couldn’t keep from laughing, my typical loud belly laugh.

I saw Cheol look over at our group whenever that happened but I just couldn’t help myself.

DK and Seungkwan were so funny together.

Looking forward to joining Woozi later and the rest of the VU once we arrived in Japan, I moved further on to look for my seat.  

Hana took care of the seating assignment aboard the plane, and Trixie was the one who handed out the boarding passes at the gate earlier.

I assumed that all SVT Members would  be seated in the first few rows while the PD’s and other staff would be scattered about in seats towards the plane’s middle and tail-end.

Looking at my seat number on the boarding pass, A17, I was happy to know that it was by the window.

It would be my first time to fly to Japan and I wanted to really see the view from inside the plane.

At least, I did not have to bother some stranger just to let me get a good look through the window.

Row 14.  Row 15. When I was almost at Row 17, I again verified my seat number to make sure I had a window seat. A17.  

When I looked up from my boarding pass, I suddenly realized who my seatmates were.

They were both looking at me.

Were they expecting me?

I sure wasn’t expecting them.

I stopped breathing  for a couple of seconds before remembering to exhale then inhale again.  

Breathe, Denisse.  Breathe.

Cheol was occupying the middle seat, B17 and the one in the aisle seat, C17, was Jeonghan.

They were both smiling, like they already knew I was about to join them.

My knees felt weak just seeing those two smile.  Such visual!

I was still at Row 15 though.

I can pretend I had a different seat number.

Yes!  I’ll try that.

I’ll look for Hana or Trixie and ask if I can change seats with anyone.  

I’ll just say that I’d like an aisle seat ‘coz I may need to go the restroom frequently, and I wouldn’t want to be a bother.

Yes, that would work.

I bet there was a mistake in the seat assignment.

I’ll just keep walking.  Just keep walking. Just keep walking.

Row 17.  Row 18. Row...

 

“Denisse ssi!”

“Your seat’s right here, with us.”

 

OMG! DID CHEOL JUST MENTION MY NAME AGAIN?

AND WAS THAT JEONGHAN’S ANGELIC VOICE THAT ASKED ME TO SIT WITH THEM?

AM I DELUSIONAL?

 

I forced a smile on my face though I felt really nervous.

Then, slowly, I turned.

Cheol and Jeonghan were already standing on the aisle, ushering me to my seat by the window.

Their smiles reaching their eyes that I was kind of mesmerized into simply surrendering.

 

“Ppalli wa.” (Come quickly!)

“Ah, ne! Kamsahamnida!”  (Ah, yes! Thank you!)

 

Feigning ignorance, I smiled awkwardly while bowing in acknowledgement.

I obligingly walked to my seat, preventing my thoughts from registering on my face.

How did these two end up here anyway?

Weren’t they supposed to be seated up front, just like Woozi was, just like the rest of SVT were?

They were celebrities, after all.

How come?

Powerless to change the situation, I just kept smiling.  

After I have taken my seat by the window, Cheol followed and got himself seated.

Jeonghan graciously asked for my carry-on bag and placed it in one of the overhead bins, before sitting down himself.

He was really “yeppeuda.”

I didn’t expect he would be this good-mannered, as well.

Buckled in, all three of us watched as the flight attendants gave out instructions on what to do in case an emergency happened.  

‘Tips on surviving being seated with two exceptionally attractive guys would have been more useful,’ 

both corners of my mouth lifting as I pondered the thought.

Feeling Cheol’s eyes on my profile, I decided to keep myself from smiling further and to just enjoy the view outside as our plane taxied along the runway, gained speed and started to soar.  

When the seatbelt sign went off, Cheol seemed to want to start a conversation.

 

“Denisse ssi, would you like me to recline your seat for you?”

“Uhm, yes please.  That would be a good idea.”

 

After adjusting mine, Cheol did the same to his seat.

Jeonghan’s was already reclined at the same level, so it felt like we were all kind of lying beside each other.  

Be calm, my loud beating heart.

The flight was just an hour-and-a-half long but I could not remember when I actually dozed off.

The last thing I do remember was looking at the clouds once we got to our target elevation.

 

When I opened my eyes, I was resting my head on some guy’s shoulder.

I also felt his head resting on top of mine.  

Slowly, I felt him move and lift his head.

Still with my eyes closed, I tried to sit up and shift in my seat.

I heard him move, too.

I felt uncomfortable having “taken advantage” of someone’s generosity and I did not want to impose any longer.

Although, who it was, I was unsure.  

Still sleepy and embarrassed, I sort of forced myself back to unconsciousness.


	7. VII

Our plane touched down in Fukuoka Airport a little past 5PM.

We just had to wait a few minutes before it was our turn to get off the plane.

Jeonghan handed me my bag from the overhead bin.

He led the way while Cheol walked right behind, carrying his "Mystery Box."

We slowly made our way up the aisle to the exit near the front of the plane.

When we reached the first few rows, Woozi was there, seeming to be waiting.

When I passed him, he quickly yet politely inserted himself between Cheol and myself.

Woozi was actually waiting for me so we could disembark together.

Jeonghan, Woozi, Cheol and I were walking side by side when we got to the airport gate.

A bunch of Carats were waiting at the lobby, waving posters of their SVT biases.

I felt their envy and jealousy, so I unconsciously took a step back.

Cheol caught my elbow and brought me back "in line."

When I looked at him, bewildered, he just smiled reassuringly.

Me, walking beside them was like the most natural thing in the world.

And it felt really great, I couldn't help but smile.

 

\---------------------

 

It's Monday, April 1st. We had one more day before the Japan Tour officially starts.

Everyone was in a rush.

Running about.

Fixing things, here and there.

Checking if all the equipment worked.

I had the best job in the world --- taking care of my beloved SVT.

I was just bringing water for my HHU boys when I caught Cheol standing at the end of the hallway, looking at his phone.

He seemed to be trying to call someone, I don't know who.

Apparently, he was unable to connect, judging by the perplexed look on his face.

He was looking at his phone like it was some alien object he couldn't make heads or tails of.

I approached him and handed him a sandwich and bottled water, which he accepted absent-mindedly.

 

"Aish!!! Why can't my call go through?"

 

I was the only one around and he seemed to be expecting an answer, so I prodded a little.

 

"Ahm, Cheol, what exactly are you trying to do, if you don't mind my asking?"

"There's this girl I met and, she's kind of strange but... in a nice way. We've met a couple of times but I've been trying to reach her, several times. I don't know why, but none of my text messages go through; even my calls don't connect."

 

He was walking back and forth, hands waving in the air, his face smiling yet confused, and his voice was beginning to become pitchy.

It looked like he was pondering an end-of-days kind of puzzle that could mean the death of mankind.

 

"Hmmm. Is she in Korea?"

"Well, I'm not sure. Maybe, maybe not. She's Asian but I'm not really sure from what country.

Actually, you kind of look like her."

"Oh!"

 

I did not know how to respond to that last statement.

Should I feel better or worse? I wasn't sure.

Getting my wits back, I considered the few details about this "Mystery Girl" Cheol mentioned and tried to come up with a plausible explanation.

 

"Hmmm, probably, or she may no longer be using that number that's why you have trouble reaching her. When did you last talk to her?"

"Actually, it's been a while already. And we didn't actually talk. It was right after Caratland, I think. We were at this restaurant and I thought I heard her laugh."

"Uhm, her laugh?"

 

Strange, check.

 

"Yes. Her laugh is very distinct. Actually, come to think of it, she sounds a lot like you, when you do your ---"

 

So, I look like her and sound like her, but I'm not her. Creepy.

 

"Well, maybe not so much. You see, I texted the number she gave, she responded at first, but..."

"What did her message say?"

"She practically 'dumped' me. She stopped responding to my texts, and when I tried to call, her phone was already off. What I thought was even more strange at the time, she already confirmed who she was."

"What was her name, by the way?"

"Alecx."

"Alecx?!?"

"Yes. Alecx."

 

\------------

 

_She opened her eyes._

_It always started this way, like she was just waking from a deep sleep._

_And her surroundings, almost always, seemed unfamiliar at first._

_This time, she was in a small cubicle._

_There was not much room for movement; the space was a little too tight, and the walls were made of stainless panels._

_She figured that she was inside the restroom of a plane._

_When she opened the door, there were a lot of passengers._

_The plane was almost full, with just a couple of vacant seats along some rows._

_She closed the panel again and waited a couple of seconds before deciding._

_When she was about to step out, she bumped into someone._

 

_"Joesonghamnida!" (I'm sorry!)_

 

_It was a familiar deep voice._

_Before she could respond, she was dazzled by the shining face looking at her._

 

_"Oh, Alecx! Is that you?"_

_"Hey, Cheol! What are you doing here?"_

_"Ahm...I'm gonna use the restroom..."_

_"Well that's obvious, I meant where are you off to?"_

_"We're on our Japan Tour right now. Are you coming to see our concert on Friday?"_

 

_Hmmm, this was her dream. So she could basically do whatever she wanted._

 

_"Well, sure. I can rearrange my schedule and be there."_

 

_Cheol smiled._

_She always felt nauseous when seeing that expression on his face._

 

_"How about after? Can you meet me around 11 PM?"_

 

_'I wouldn't have anything planned in a dream, duh!' she thought._

 

_"Ahm, I guess I have time. But won't you be busy for your next one?"_

_"It would be our last so, we'll just fly back to Seoul on the weekend."_

_"Okay, that's all set then. See you around!"_

_"Yeah, sure! Take Care!"_

 

_She made her way back, walking along the aisle when she noticed one of the passengers, a cute kid, holding a pinwheel._

_She got drawn to its slow rotation, then all of a sudden, it stopped and her vision turned black._

 

_\-----------_

 

It was the last night, and the Japan Tour was over.

Everyone really did a great job.

The SVT Members, most especially, deserve a good long rest after all the energy they expended, dancing and singing for all10 nights over the 4-week period.

It was 10PM, and it all just ended.

Everyone was congratulating every one else in the team for a job well done and for a successful tour.

Pam, one of the Head PD's announced that the team dinner will be at 10:30 PM.

While everyone else seemed glad to have a 30-minute break to freshen up before going out again, Cheol seemed a bit anxious.

Like he had an appointment he was worried about missing.

All throughout dinner, the SVT Members still had the energy to share stories and joke around.

Seungkwan was acting as the usual ever capable host and DK was his partner.

The rest were simply enjoying the camaraderie and the relaxed atmosphere.

There were no cameras to be conscious about.

Well, they typically acted naturally, with or without an audience.

They were all good that way.

I was seated beside Woozi who was sitting at the end of the table.

He was very gracious and made sure that I had everything I needed, chopsticks, food, and drinks.

While everyone seemed ready to retire after having their fill during dinner, Cheol seemed agitated like a horse ready to bolt.

When Hana finally dismissed the group, all went to the vans that would shuttle us back to Imperial Hotel Osaka where we were billeted.

Cheol, however, said something to Hana, then walked away and hailed a taxi.

I was a bit disappointed that he was not joining us but there was nothing much to do anyway.

It took a while to get the vans loaded, with the SVT members and the production team.

It was already late and everyone seemed ready to hit the sheets.

I even had an early start in the van and was just woken by Sam when we arrived at the hotel a little past 1 AM.

I dragged my feet to the elevators and to the deluxe room I shared with the other PD's.

I just had enough energy to brush my teeth and have a quick shower, then off to dreamland I went.

 

\----------

 

_It was already 11:30 PM. When she opened her eyes, she was standing in front of Osaka Jo-Hall._

_There were just a few people still loitering about._

_Based on the posters they carried, SVT just had their concert._

_And she missed it!_

_She was still a bit dazed when a guy suddenly came out of nowhere, running up to her._

_At first, she thought he was some pervert._

_It was late and she was in unfamiliar territory._

_She could call for help and hope someone would come to her rescue._

_She took a deep breath and was about to scream her lungs out when, all of a sudden, she recognized who it was._

_She breathed a sigh of relief._

_Good thing that the light from the lamppost hit him on the face._

_It was Cheol, and he was all smiles._

_She almost had a heart attack!_

_Looking at him closer now, she felt like she was still going to have one._

_She smiled back, and before she could apologize for just arriving, Cheol cut her short with his own apologies._

_Realizing that they were both late, she graciously told him that it was no biggie and that he should forget about it._

_Cheol then led her by the hand and they started walking._

_Reaching the Starbucks Coffee at Osaka Castle Park, Cheol noticed that the sign already said "Closed."_

_Good thing the manager was a Carat, as she immediately recognized Cheol whose face was almost pressed against the glass door._

_Although they had an "extended" shift due to the influx of customers who just finished watching the last leg of SVT's Japan Tour, they already announced their call for final orders._

_As a special favor, the manager just allowed Cheol to order drinks to go, the not so complicated ones._

_Cheol got his Cafe Americano and her Signature Iced Chocolate._

_She didn't make a fuss out of it this time._

_Beggars can't be choosers after all._

_They sat on a bench just outside as she listened to his animated narration of their Japan Tour, the mishaps and the funny moments._

_She asked him about the concert, and Cheol happily gave her the gist, mentioning some of the highlights._

_He even mentioned the people that helped them out, their PD's especially, and how grateful he felt for their assistance._

_Curious about the soft look that registered on his face upon mentioning the production team, she asked for details of what they did._

_Cheol described how two PD's, Sam and Denisse, were assigned to their unit and how they took great care of the members' needs, even preparing travel kits for each of the HHU members._

_Sam was supposed to be in charge of Vernon and Mingyu, while Denisse took care of Wonwoo and him._

_In almost every sentence, Cheol always had something good to say, especially one of the PD's, a certain Denisse._

_She didn't know why exactly but she felt kind of pleasantly thrilled._

_Noticing that it was getting late, a quarter to 1 in the morning, and that they had an early flight back, Cheol regretfully bid her farewell._

_He hailed a taxi for her and before she got far, she looked back and saw Cheol get in on another one._

_When she sat facing front, she felt a weak breeze on her face._

_All of a sudden, she noticed the pinwheel standing on the dashboard._

_It was still spinning ever so slightly, then...it stopped. Darkness followed._

 

\--------

 

It was almost a month after my "strange" conversation with Cheol.

We were already back at Pledis Headquarters, doing the usual routine stuff.

Today, the boys would be busy rehearsing the new arrangements of some of their hit songs, mix stage performance for an upcoming awards show.  
The HHU will feature one of the older Pledis trainees, Yuno, in their version of Pinwheel.

They were on standby rehearsing their stanzas, waiting for her to turn up.

Woozi's new arrangement was inspired by the harmonies we did while waiting at Incheon Airport.

I was at the lounge area, the same room where I stayed on my first day at Pledis, where I waited for everyone else to arrive.

I was sitting at the same couch, with my eyes closed.

I still couldn't wrap my mind around what Cheol told me.

_Alecx. Alecx. Alecx._

Who is she?

It's weird.

Cheol said we were similar in more ways than one.

My laugh?

How could that happen?

I had the most unique laugh.

How could I have a copycat?

Or am I the copycat?

And that text message?

If I remember right, I got a "prank" text that night when we came back from dinner, right after Caratland.

Someone claiming to be...

 

"Cheol! We have a problem!"

 

Her loud, worried voice startled me to open my eyes.

Hana was rushing in my direction.

Actually, she was trying to be within Cheol's hearing range.

I just noticed that he was standing at the door of the lounge area.

He appeared kind of guilty, caught red-handed doing something he shouldn't.

But, he seemed to be just standing there. Facing my direction. Looking at...me?

Cheol shifted his attention to Hana who sounded to be in a panic.

 

"Cheol! We really have a problem!"

 

Hana rarely showed agitation.

She almost always kept her composure.

However, it seemed that the problem at hand was too big of a deal for her not to be anxious about.

I stood up, with the intent to join them and offer help, in whatever way I could.

 

"Yuno won't be coming! She got held up in Japan 'coz she had to undergo a minor surgery. They said it was an emergency and she may not be able to sing for a month."

 

Hana really was worried because she said all those in one breath.

A couple of weeks earlier, they talked to Yuno and she agreed to rehearse with them today, and to record her voice for their upcoming stage performance.

Woozi, who just came out of the recording studio, rushed to join the little circle Cheol, Hana and I were already forming.

He heard Hana's last statement about Yuno not being able to do the rehearsals and the final recording within the month.

 

"We can't delay the rehearsals! We have a lot of activities lined up for SVT in the coming weeks. Maybe we can do her parts later. But we have to make the most of today."

 

Master Woozi sounded authoritative, or more authoritarian?

 

"But, didn't you say that this version of Pinwheel requires a melody and a lot of harmonies? Wasn't Yuno supposed to do both, at several portions of the song?"

 

Cheol wasn't so sure what Woozi had in mind.

All of a sudden, Woozi's face brightened and his eyes got bigger, like he just had a "Eureka" moment.

His gaze went past Cheol's shoulders.

He was looking straight at me. Me. Me?

What in the world is Woozi thinking?

 

\-----

 

Of course, I have experienced this before.

It just felt different since this was officially legit, and I am singing with international artists, no less.

It almost felt like a dream.

Am I dreaming right now?

Did I die and just go to heaven?

The studio felt colder, or was it my nerves?

I wasn't sure.

I already had my headphones on.

Cheol was standing beside me, on my left, with his headphones on.

Since the studio was not that big, the recording had to be done by two's.

Cheol was to go first, to be followed by Wonwoo, Mingyu, then Vernon.

Woozi was in front of us, tapping on the console in the control room.

The intro started to play, the sentimental piano setting the mood.

I closed my eyes and let the music carry me away...

The melody gradually took me to a different plane of consciousness.

There was a pleasant novelty in hearing Cheol's low masculine voice singing a ballad, quite different from his high-energy raps.

The way the notes smoothly toppled one over the other, and how my voice and Cheol's seemed to blend so seamlessly was quite ethereal.

Whenever I let my voice free, allowing it to carry my emotions soaring higher and yet gaining more depth, I lost myself and felt one with the music.

When the last lyrics and notes of the song vanished into silence, slowly, I opened my eyes.

Woozi was looking at me.

So were the rest of the SVT Members.

All 12 of them, including Woozi, seemed to have found a way to fit in the tight control room.

They were all looking at me.

Some with eyes wider than usual. Others with a hint of a smile on their lips.

Getting her bearings back, she remembered were she was.

And she nervously looked around, and locked eyes with Cheol, for a few, slightly awkward moments.

 

"Waah! Denisse, that was amazing. I didn't expect rehearsals to go this well. Your voice, it really sounds good."

"You're only saying that 'coz I'm a Carat, right?"

"Aninde! When it comes to music, I'm very honest, brutally even."

 

Woozi then turned to Cheol.

 

"Hyung, you did your best. You're excused. Wonwoo-ya, you're next."

 

Cheol reluctantly yet obediently left the studio.

He did not totally leave but managed to find a seat in the control room, the one Wonwoo just vacated.

Then, Mingyu joined me in the studio after.

And finally, Vernon.

We finished the first run of rehearsals before lunch.

Since there were still a lot of material to go through, Trixie arranged for lunch to be delivered.

While enjoying the meal, the other SVT Members were all hyper, complimenting me and how I made the song sound richer, more sentimental, and, how my vocals added more depth and variety.

I felt glad but embarrassed at the same time.

I'm not used to receiving this kind of attention, especially from 13 glowing Korean boys.

If I were a bird, I would likely be an ostrich with its head "buried" under ground, or a turtle hiding inside my shell.

Among us siblings, my sister Jean who was born right after me, was the most confident, outgoing, and impulsive.

I guess, you could say, she's the typical self-reliant middle child.

She would freely express how she felt with no qualms nor self-consciousness.

If she felt like doing something, she'd go for it and not worry about the consequences.

She'd be the first in line to try out something new, whether it's food, extreme sports, or anything that seemed out of the ordinary.

She's what you would call an adventurer.

She can be quite loud, too, shout when angry or just scream in happiness.

She can be brutally honest and frank about how she felt.

She's the type who can confess her attraction to somebody she found appealing, face-to-face without batting an eye.

That's Jean. And then, there's Denisse. Me.

I always wanted to be more like my sister on this aspect, and be as spontaneous as she was.

Even the simplest acts, like asking for extra napkins from the counter crew in a fastfood chain, would tie me up in knots and I would just "suffer" in silence, all greasy and a total mess.

That was how "shy" I was.

Given the choice, I'd rather just keep to myself than impose on others.

Of course, whenever I laugh, it would seem out of character.

Same goes when I sing.

I totally become a different person.

I have a loud belly laugh.

My happy spirit seem to grant me the freedom to express my joy in full, like laughing "softly" would not be laughing at all

And my voice, when I sing, sounds amplified even though I'm not using a microphone.

These were times when I am able to just let go of all self-consciousness, allowing my emotions free rein, echoing through my voice, "visible" the whole world to hear.

And feel.

In the past few months, I've been feeling quite different.

It felt like I was slowly getting out of the comfort of my shell.

Turtle, remember?

Though not completely transformed, there was something new about my psyche, how I felt about myself.

A feeling that my confidence has grown, and continues to grow, as if I already had "practice" on being self-confident.

But, when exactly I got to "practice," I'm not quite sure.

Now, strangely though, I feel brave enough to be honest about my thoughts and my emotions.

Being complimented, however, is something I must learn to be more comfortable about.

I was sort of still basking in the "glory" of the just recently concluded rehearsal, graciously receiving "songs" of praise, when all of a sudden, Aubrey, one of the PDs assigned to the VU, stifled a shriek which caught the attention of everyone in the room.

Standing up, eyes wide in shock, she raised and pointed to her tablet, for everyone to see.

A news on social media was trending. Fast!

Everyone, huddled to find out what was there to see.

All of a sudden, the room was enveloped in silence.

 

_**DISPATCH: SEVENTEEN LEADER, CHOI SEUNGCHEOL,** _ _**SEEN IN PUBLIC WITH A MYSTERY GIRL.** _

Twice, not the K-Pop Girl Group, but the number of times that Seventeen Overall Leader Choi Seungcheol or S. Coups to international fans, was seen out in public, with an unknown girl.

First instance was at a local cafe near Pledis Entertainment in Seoul while the more recent incident, was in Osaka, Japan, just outside Starbucks Osaka Jo-Hall. The identity and nationality of the Mystery Girl has yet to be confirmed. Stay tuned for further updates!


	8. VIII

That day when the “rumor” came out, Hana confronted Cheol immediately.  

Sensing the awkward silence, the others immediately walked out leaving Hana, Cheol and myself in the conference room.

We just finished lunch but I couldn’t muster the strength to stand, much less leave the room as fast as I would have wanted to.

Not because I had anything to do about the issue. 

The shock was more because it involved Cheol.

Worried about causing a scene if I staggered on the way out, I stayed in my seat to compose myself.

I’ll leave when I felt stable enough, as soon as an opportunity presents itself.

Hana, oblivious to my presence, continued asking Cheol, who made no attempt at denying anything.

He readily admitted to having met this “Alecx” a few times, a carat he ran into under “strange” circumstances.  

He explained that he found her interesting and mysterious, and just wanted to be friends with her.  

Asked to describe “Alecx,” Cheol responded, saying,

 

“She’s Asian, but not Korean.  She’s kind of pretty, has a cute smile.  Not so tall.”

 

His lips curved into a half-smile while trying to recount details of their limited encounter.

 

“I find her really easy to talk to, and fun. Her energy’s quite contagious.  But she can laugh loud, I mean really loud. You should hear her.” 

 

Cheol smiled more and was almost in the brink of laughing himself as he seemed to recall a funny memory.

 

“Okay..?  What else?  What does she look like?” 

 

Hana wanted to hear more about the girl’s appearance, disregarding Cheol’s seeming indifference to the gravity of the controversy at hand.

How can he not worry at a time like this, and still manage to smile?

Cheol squinted, seeming at a loss for words just then.

Trying to imagine how else to portray the “Mystery Girl,” Cheol shifted his gaze, then his eyes met mine.  

All of a sudden, as if a lightbulb flicked on in his head, he uttered, a little too abruptly.

 

“She’s a lot like Denisse-ssi...actually.”  

 

He was nodding his head at Hana, affirming his statement as if it captured everything else he wanted to say.

He even turned to look at me as if pointing me out to Hana. 

I felt like I was the defendant in a court trial and the key witness just pointed me out as the guilty one.

 

“Really?”

 

Surprised and dubious, Hana slowly followed Cheol’s line of sight, to where I was seated.

She looked straight at me, realizing just then that I was still in the room.

Hana’s searching eyes seemed to look for some indication that I knew something about what Cheol was saying.

I didn’t know how to react, or if I was expected to respond at all.

 

“Well, yes.  They’re sort of alike but slightly different.  You know, like twins, but not exactly the same.”

 

Cheol and Hana were now looking at me.  I froze like a specimen under a microscope.

 

“Have you been seeing her since then?”

 

Hana continued to probe which made Cheol turn his attention back to her.

 

“No.  I can’t even communicate with her.  There seems to be a problem with her phone or the contact details she gave me.  I don’t really know.” 

 

Cheol confessed with some frustration in his voice, a crease barely forming between his eyebrows.

 

“Well, I’ll cut to the chase.  Do you like her? More importantly, are you dating her?”

Recovering quickly from the initial shock of  Cheol’s ‘revelation,’ Hana can be brutally frank at times, especially when she gets agitated.  

I felt sorry for Cheol, for being the target of her interrogation.  

I was a little ruffled myself for being dragged into the discussion as a reference, like being singled out in a police lineup.

 

“I am... interested in her.”  

 

Cheol answered quite casually, yet with a slight pause.    

 

“There’s just something about her I can’t quite place.  So, I’d like to get to know her better.”

 

I lowered my gaze, not really wanting to hear more, wishing I was elsewhere at that moment.

 

“And no. We are not dating…”

 

I felt awkward hearing Cheol say those words.

 

“...yet.”

 

I was still trying to compose myself over his candid matter-of-fact answers when Cheol dropped the “yet” at the end.

Three letters that felt like a bomb exploding.

I couldn’t keep my composure.  What was wrong with me?

I had to gather all my strength just to keep from tearing up, though my lips quivered a little.    

I couldn’t totally abandon him just because a girl caught his eye.  

Or is it his heart she caught?

No matter,  I am still a carat and I just want my SVT to be happy, whatever that meant.  

Even if it hurt.  A lot.

‘Focus, Denisse.  Focus. You can do this!’

Strengthening my resolve of supporting Cheol all the way, I slowly edged out of the room.

 

“Denisse, Cheol, I got an idea!”  Hana blurted out.

I suddenly stopped dead in my tracks.  

I was still picking up the pieces of my shattered self.  

What is Hana up to now?

 

“You...you do?”

 

Cheol sounded unconvinced.

I, too, was skeptical, but I coaxed myself to pay attention and breathe.

 

“Yes, I think I have the solution.”

 

\--------------

 

The rumors died down unusually quicker than most.  

Considering its reputation of consistently substantiating controversial claims, “Dispatch” was no longer able to when Pledis nipped the issue in the bud.

Thanks to Hana’s “bright” idea, the photos showing Cheol together with a “Mystery Girl” was immediately explained and the story behind was brought to light.

Since I looked a lot like this so called “Mystery Girl” based on Cheol’s description, Hana came up with a story about my special relationship with Cheol. 

“Special” in that I was his personal English and Nihongo  tutor who accompanied him often, even in public places. 

I was supposed to help him and the other members become better in speaking and conversing in both languages, him especially being SVT’s leader.  

After presenting her proposal, Hana bolted out of the room without a second look.

Cheol and I started walking towards the door to join the others in the studio.

We still had to rehearse anyway. 

 

\-------------

 

I’m kind of in a daze these past couple of days.

It has been a week since “Dispatch” scooped that Cheol was seen with some girl a couple of instances, once in Seoul and once in Japan.  

Soon after, Pledis handled the matter quietly and quickly.

No more details came out since.

Everything was supposed to return to normal.

Or so, I thought.

 

\-------------

 

It’s the 1st day of June and I could already feel summer in the air at 25 degrees.

The slight breeze felt like a warm embrace while we walked on the less crowded streets of Seoul, the sun shining bright above us.

I was accompanying Mingyu to the convenience store.

He really enjoyed eating and would normally go out to buy food himself.  

Usually, my fellow PD Sam accompanied him on these errands. 

But today, she wasn’t feeling very well and had to stay in bed.

With the “Dispatch” rumor already behind us, crushed by the public’s growing acceptance of my “special role” as SVT’s language tutor, being seen with any of the SVT boys in various places was now considered an ordinary thing.  

Not controversial, at all.

On our way to the store, Mingyu kept looking around, scouting for an ideal spot for a photo. 

 

“Noona, can you help me take a photo for Sam?  I just want to post an IG story to cheer her up.”

“Sure.”

 

I was touched; it was quite thoughtful of him.

Once during rehearsal break, I took a photo of Mingyu.

I tinkered with his phone and its built-in photo editing tools, trying to do magic with selfies he randomly took.

I asked him to do a few poses, which he happily obliged.

He was quite thrilled with how the pictures came out, saying that I  was able to inject drama into the shot, considering that it was just a phone camera and not some specialized equipment.

Since then, Mingyu often asked for my help whenever he wanted to post something extra special for his IG account.

I did not anticipate that my addiction to taking selfies back home, trying to enhance my pictures, especially those that were taken under not-so-ideal lighting, would prove useful not only to myself but to my SVT, no less.

Before we reached our destination, I already took a number of photos and videos of Mingyu, solo shots against some random store’s colorful window display with pinwheels as decor.  

Mingyu was definitely one of the visuals of SVT, as he always “aspired” to be, even from the very beginning.

His smile was like an arrow to the heart, dazzling and leaving those who got hit literally gaping in awe.

Having grown so much, he literally towers over most of the other SVT members, lean yet athletic.  

Not like most tall boys who were scrawny and awkward.  

He looked strong even when dancing and doing all the difficult choreography Hoshi came up with, graceful even with his seemingly endless legs.

He can be quite a charmer, smart and systematic as he always wanted to do well and be better.  

His true passion is acting and he’s been investing time learning more about his craft.  

Whenever he was at the studio, he made everyone feel more positive with his cheerful childlike ways and desire to help others.

It is so easy to fall for Mingyu... if I have not fallen yet...

Somewhat immersed in my own thoughts, I barely noticed Mingyu grab the phone from my hand, snapping selfies one after the other.

For a moment, I seemed to have drifted to dreamland.

Did I just daydream?

When I finally came to my senses, Mingyu was already tapping away on his phone.

I thought he was simply posting the photos I just took of him and the selfies he took himself on his IG, so I just let him be.

When we got to the convenience store, Mingyu went to check out some items on the shelves.  

He got the usual snacks, chips, fruits, and a pack of soda.  

He always brought more to share, though no one else in SVT can eat more than he can.

When he got to the counter, he remembered something and came back with a couple of packs of “Ramyeon.”

I found it a bit curious but contained myself and kept quiet about it.

On the way back, Mingyu and I walked side by side at a relaxed pace.

 

“Noona, I’m glad Hyung requested you to be assigned to our unit.”

“Really?  Why is that?”

“Well, you take really good care of us, what we need.  You help tidy up our rooms. None of the others have the energy to keep things organized.  Usually, it’s only me. Having someone help out kind of makes the day less tiring. Especially when it’s time for bed, and the bed’s not in shambles.  Gomawo (Thanks).”

“Why, Mingyu, thanks for saying so, ‘though it is my job and Sam’s, you know.”

“Well, I’m still glad to have you around.  I also want you to teach me to sing and rap better.”

“I’m not that good in rapping.”

“But Hyung said so. That’s the main reason he requested you, in the first place.  I think he mentioned hearing you rap one of our songs quite well. And it isn’t easy to impress hyung.  So I think you sounded great to him.”

“I’m not quite sure when that happened ‘coz I think it was just my first day when I got assigned to your unit.  But, you can count on me if you need my help.”

“I sure will.  Especially since you indulge me and my relationship with the camera.”

 

Mingyu flashes another smile, full teeth, eyes squinting.  

My heart skipped a beat.

I didn’t know exactly how to respond.

He continued speaking.

 

“I  also enjoy talking to you, Noona.  I feel like you’re really listening, not just hearing the words I say and pretending to understand.”

 

His words sounded so genuine and yet, upon hearing them, I felt a sense of of deja vu.   
  


“Well, you can always count on me if you need an ear, Mingyu.  Don’t hesitate to ask, even if it’s late.” 

 

It is so easy to fall for Mingyu... if I have not fallen for someone else already.

 

\-------------

 

Rewind to a week ago, when the “Dispatch” article just came out, entangling Cheol in some rumor. 

When Cheol and I stepped out of the room after hearing Hana’s “solution” to address the issue, we barely exchanged a word.

Both of us were deep in thought, trying to wrap our minds around what Hana suggested.

In order to support our “story,” make it more plausible, Hana suggested that I spend more time with Cheol and the other SVT boys, in clear view of the public.

Sort of demystifying the secret of the “Mystery Girl.”

That night, after rehearsals, SVT went back to their dorms to retire for the night, except Cheol who stayed behind.  

As I was about to exit the building with the other staff, he pulled me aside to talk. 

I waved to Sam, telling her to go ahead and that I’ll be okay going home by myself later.

Cheol and I went back to the lounge area and sat on one of the couches.  

We sat at both ends, with our backs supported by the arm rests.

The day was already physically draining for him because of rehearsals.  

More so, I guess, with the rumor about him spreading, imminent.

Poor Cheol!

 

“Would you like some water?  I’m parched.” 

 

The dryness in my mouth was likely because of the growing “thirst” to know what Cheol had in mind rather than any physical trigger.  

Despite my overwhelming curiosity to know what he had to say, I had to escape, even for just a bit.

 

“Yes, please.  Gomawo (Thanks).”  

 

I brought back a pitcher of water from the pantry, holding two glasses in one hand.

I poured him a full glass which he drank, bottoms up.

He seemed nervous, like someone about to propose.

How I wish...  

When Cheol finally opened up, our conversation went on until almost midnight.

Apparently, Hana went straight to top management that same afternoon and already sold the idea  with approval to proceed. 

We had to come up with a workable strategy on how to execute Hana’s proposal without delay.  Since I was supposed to be his “Mystery Girl,” Cheol felt that I would have to be involved in crafting our action plan.  

 

“You see, Denisse-ssi, whatever we decide to do has to be done with your consent.  I don’t want anyone pressuring you into doing anything.”

“Thanks for thinking that way.  Although, I would do anything to help you...uhm, SVT, you know.  I care a lot about...you, and the group.”

“Still, I feel that I should protect you because the other members can be a little pushy and demanding.  We have to set boundaries. Since this is a delicate matter, I just want to clear with you first whatever ideas we come up with.  If your uncomfortable about certain things, just say so. We’ll explore other alternatives.”

 

In a nutshell, our strategy involved increasing my visibility together with all SVT members so people will get used to seeing me in the picture.

However, Cheol emphasized that I couldn’t be seen too often or get too close with any one of them since people might misinterpret something beyond the professional.

 

“Do you mean, including you?”

“Well… I’m the exception.  Because you’re supposed to be focusing on me since I’m SVT’s leader.  It would be reasonable for us to be together more. I mean, for the public to see.”

 

After poring over options, we finally agreed on what needed to be done, at the very least.

During our discourse, Cheol and I unconsciously moved towards the middle of the couch.

Literally, we were like putting our heads together and ended up side by side.  

Thinking that our discussion was over, I shifted in my seat and was about to get up to leave.

All of a sudden, Cheol took my hands in his and gently held them.

He looked straight at me, and for a few seconds, was silent.

My heart started to beat frantically.

He seemed undecided on the words to say, until finally, he spoke, his voice low and sincere.

 

“Denisse-ssi, sorry you had to be dragged into this mess.”

“There’s really no need to apologize, Cheol.  You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Well, I sort of did because I forgot to protect SVT from being the topic of gossip.  I feel really bad that you’re forced to do something that’s not part of your job, just to cover for me and my carelessness.”

“You couldn’t have known that your actions would lead to this.  And, if you must know, I don’t feel forced at all. I really enjoy watching over you, all of you.  I actually feel proud and honored being associated with you. You’re all good...boys.”

 

Cheol winced at the term, slowly releasing my hands.

Embarrassed about letting the “awkward” word slip, I wanted to change the topic quickly, without really thinking.

 

“I just can’t help being curious about your ‘Mystery Girl,’ whoever she is.” 

 

I forced a smile as I suddenly realized that I was setting myself up for even more heartache.

Be strong, dear heart.

 

“Hmm, thinking about it, I really don’t know much about her.  I just kind of find myself attracted...”

 

So, Cheol is attracted to girls who look like me.  Hmmm.

Seeming to read my mind, Cheol quickly explained what he meant.

 

“But my attraction is not only physical.  Yes, I must admit, she is pretty.”

 

He looked me in the face, somewhat transfixed until he felt the need to explain further.

 

“But I feel drawn to her more because of her personality.  I enjoy talking to her. I feel like she’s really listening, not just hearing the words I say, not pretending to understand.  And man, her laugh. She laughs without pretense. A loud belly laugh, I couldn’t help but laugh myself. Just like when you’re with Seungkwan and DK, fooling around.  Even though I’m not part of the conversation, and I’m halfway across the room, whenever I hear your laughter, I feel somewhat happier. I just catch myself with a smile, laughing even.  It’s just like that. With you. With her, I mean.”

 

Cheol’s gaze met mine.  All of a sudden, some realization seemed to  dawn on him, his eyes growing wider as if contemplating some wild idea, one that registered confusion on his face.

Feeling uncertain, he abruptly said his goodbyes and left.  

Staring at his back, quite confused myself, I slowly got to my feet and headed back to the dorms.   

 

\-------------

 

Since the day Cheol and I had our “talk,” I have regularly “followed” the SVT boys around, whether they went on simple errands or attended promotional events.  

I was there, the constant fixture on the background.

The Tutor.

It was like the title of an R-rated movie.

Now that a week has passed, I still feel uneasy.

When everything was supposed to have returned to normal, something was different.

But I couldn’t put my finger on what exactly changed.

Meanwhile, I tried to focus on the moment and enjoy my time with SVT.

Today, I was with Mingyu. 

On our way back from the convenience store, Mingyu and I shared jokes.

I couldn’t help but laugh at how silly he was, all the way to our destination.

I also felt my heart melt at his thoughtfulness when he expressed concern for Sam.

He intended to cook the “Ramyeon” himself and wanted me to bring some for Sam to make her feel better.

Tall, handsome, funny and thoughtful, too.

When Mingyu and I finally reached the dorms, Cheol rushed to meet us.

He appeared to be impatiently waiting for our arrival.

But he did not seem happy to see us.

 

“Ya!  Mingyu.  What do you think you’re doing?”

 

We barely reached the kitchen when Cheol shot his first question.

 

“Me?  I went to buy food with Denisse-ssi.  Why? What’s wrong?”

 

Mingyu placed what we bought on the counter and opened the cupboard to look for a pot.

I took out the “Ramyeon” while waiting for Cheol’s explanation.

 

“What’s with the IG story?”

 

Cheol directed his inquiry at Mingyu but I felt his eyes on me.

Was he angry at Mingyu or was he angry at me?  What did I do now?

I was feeling guilty but I couldn’t think of what I could have done wrong.

Cheol threw his phone at Mingyu who fumbled catching it, almost dropping it to the floor.

I approached Mingyu, trying to see what the fuss was all about.

On screen was Mingyu’s IG account, with a picture.  Of us. Together.

Well, not really together because I was barely visible standing behind him.  

And the shot only caught my profile, which was not that recognizable.  

Except, of course, to other SVT members and other Pledis staff who knew me.  To Cheol, evidently.

It was the photo Mingyu took on our way to the store, while I was deep in thought.

And he posted it, online! 

So, that’s why Cheol was angry.

Was that really why Cheol is angry?

 

“Hyung, what’s the problem with my post?”

“Are you planning to create new material for ‘Dispatch’?”

“Well, no.  Not really. I just took a selfie ‘coz I was really having fun.  Denisse-ssi and I were just enjoying our walk.”

“You should have double checked your selfies first before posting them.  Denisse-si is already having a hard time as it is, she doesn’t need more issues to deal with.”

“I’m barely recognizable, though.”

 

My attempt to console fell on deaf ears as Cheol continued to glare at Mingyu.

 

“Hyung, I can take it down, if you want.”

“That would cause your followers to wonder even more why you took it down.  We can’t even be sure that nobody has downloaded it yet or has taken screenshots.  Taking it down would do more harm than good.” 

Finding Cheol’s perspective valid, Mingyu was quick to acknowledge his error.

 

“Hyung, noona, mianhae!  I didn’t think that there would be a problem.  I should have been more careful with my posts.”

 

I felt sorry for Mingyu who then looked defeated, his head hanging low and his eyes turned towards the floor.  

We were just laughing together a while ago, and now, he looked like a repentant kid being scolded by his hyung for some unintentional misdeed.

I thought that Cheol might be overreacting slightly.

He still is the cause of the rumor, after all.

Good thing he seemed to have realized this soon enough and pulled back a little.

 

“Well, Mingyu.  Just be more attentive next time.  It might not get as bad as we anticipate.  But we have to be more careful since we’re a hot topic right now.”

“Don’t worry, hyung.  I’ll keep it in mind.”

 

Feeling the atmosphere change to a lighter mood, Mingyu asked Cheol to join us.

Mingyu cooked the “Ramyeon,” adding vegetables and some spices until it suited his taste.

He was the cook of SVT, able to come up with his own delicious concoctions which the other members happily consumed.

He even learned to prepare “Ramyeon” in proportions that would satisfy the hunger of 13 growing Korean boys.

He mentioned having plans to cook for Hoshi’s birthday on the 10th and Junhui’s on the 15th which Cheol agreed to help with.

Finally, the noodles were cooked.

Mingyu scooped out a bowl for Cheol and me,  then got one for himself.

He set aside a portion in a sealed container.  

I was supposed to make sure Sam ate it as soon as I got back; Mingyu insisted.  

All three of us finished our meal together.

I was already laughing loudly at Cheol and Mingyu who got back to their usual bantering.

Mingyu washed up after, and Cheol insisted on accompanying  me back to the dorm, carrying my “take out” for Sam.

Ultimately, the day ended on a positive note, with everything seemingly back to normal.  

 

\-------------

 

_ She was walking along the same familiar street leading to the convenience store where she met Seungcheol. _

_ The stores lining both sides of the street were small yet appealing. _

_ They sold novelty items and pretty trinkets.  _

_ She wanted to take a selfie with one of the stores on the background. _

_ She kept on walking slowly while accessing her social media account on her phone. _

_ She followed SVT on Instagram, including the individual accounts of some of the members. _

_ She was quickly viewing the latest IG stories on her timeline when she stopped at one peculiar photo. _

_ It was a selfie taken by Mingyu outdoors, with a girl’s profile behind him, like a shadow. _

_ She thought it was weird, even in a dream, because she hasn’t met Mingyu and yet she felt a sense of familiarity with the picture. _

_ Like she was there.  Strange. _

_ Then she swiped again and stopped at a video of Mingyu, posing in front of a store window display bursting with color. _

_ Looking at the image, she again felt some connection, with some details catching her attention. _

_ She noticed a colorful pinwheel on the background. _

_ It appeared to have been slowly spinning. _

_ Until finally, the spinning stopped, and the image turned black. _

_ Then, she was in darkness. _

 

_ \------------- _

 

I adjusted to my “new” daily routine with unexpected ease.

Most mornings, I would attend the 8 AM Staff Meeting with Sam and the other PDs to discuss SVT’s schedule for the day.

Often, the agenda included a run down of upcoming activities within the week that we had to prepare for.

Meetings usually took the whole morning and ended near lunch.

Since SVT is known for being self-producing idols, the production team wanted to make sure that we came up with unique ideas to strengthen the member’s bond and enhance the group’s image.

Preparations had to be discussed lengthily and in detail, with tasks assigned and accountabilities made clear to everyone.

Mornings were typically not as eventful since most of the SVT boys were still asleep, “recharging” after rehearsals that frequently lasted until the wee hours of the morning.

In the afternoon, during in-between breaks, I would arrange at least an hour of tutoring with Wonwoo and Cheol.  

English on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.

Sam took care of teaching Mingyu English on those days, with Vernon’s help.

Mingyu and Vernon joined us for Nihongo on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

We agreed to practice what I taught them over the weekend so they wouldn’t forget.

That’s our default daily schedule.

Every now and then, we change it up whenever SVT would guest on radio and television programs to promote a song or an album.  

During such outings, PDs would assist their assigned units, making sure every member’s needs were attended to.

I usually tagged along as part of the “action plan” Cheol and I crafted, looking for ways I’d be most useful.  Sam often stayed at the dorms to tidy up the boys’ rooms.

Backstage, before broadcasts, I would encourage them to be confident about injecting English words whenever they were asked to speak during a program or a live broadcast.

Even the other members ask me the English translation of some Korean phrases they wanted to use. 

Sam and I also came up with our own strategy of making our HHU feel extra special, bringing along items that we felt would make them smile, or at least help them relax and become energized.

Concerts and music awards were also big events that we had to prepare for, months before.

But these didn’t happen that often and every major event often took place within a specific month, year-in, year out.

In between the “highlights” of my career as PD, I dealt with the mundane tasks of an ordinary “citizen.”

Do laundry.

Fold clothes.

Cook meals.

Wash dishes.

Run errands.

Clean house.

Go to the market or grocery to replenish supplies.

Months passed  quickly and it was already the first day of August, the last month of summer.

That morning,, Wonwoo and Mingyu woke up earlier than usual, just a little past 6 AM. 

Everyone else were still sleeping and they wanted to go out for breakfast, asking me to tag along.

At the diner, we ordered the typical Korean breakfast: rice, soup, meat, and a full array of side dishes.  

Wonwoo was eating  _ moo saengchae _ (radish strip kimchi) with his  _ galbi _ (grilled short ribs).

In between mouthfuls, he mentioned wanting to do something special for Cheol’s birthday, which was only 7 days away.

He wanted to serve a different menu since they usually ate the same kinds of food whenever they went out, just like what they did during his birthday last July 17 and Mingyu’s on April 6.

Mingyu joined in saying,

 

“Ne!  Just like when we go on tours and we get to eat different cuisine.”

 

Wonwoo agreed excitedly,

 

“Remember that delicious meal we had in your country, Denisse-ssi?  There was this brownish viand with chicken and pork that was just the right combination of salty, sweet, and sour?”

“Do you mean our ‘adobo’?”

“Yes, that’s it.  It’s great to pair with rice. It was really tasty.  I remember Mingyu eating several bowlfuls of rice. He just couldn’t get enough of it.  Me, too.”

 

Mingyu tried to remember the food Wonwoo got so enthusiastic about but couldn’t.

 

“Would you like to try it, Mingyu-ssi?”

“Yes, but how?  We’d have to go back to the Philippines.”

“Well, my dad taught me how to cook ‘adobo.’  I can try to recreate it from what we can find locally.  I can also bake mussels with butter and garlic as an appetizer.”

“Really?  You’d do that?”

 

Mingyu’s  eyes just widened in excitement.  

If Mingyu had a weaknesses, it was definitely food.

Wonwoo’s face also glowed.

 

“Would you be able to cook it for lunch?”

“On the 8th? Yes, I guess I can unless an event comes up.  I’ll have to check what ingredients we have in the kitchen first.  I’ll just need to go to the market to buy those we don’t have.”

“I think you’ll have to buy more, a lot more.”

“Huh?  Why? How much can you four eat?”

“That’s not it, Denisse-si.”

 

Mingyu  looked at Wonwoo, both of then nodding to each other, able to read the other’s thoughts.

 

“Mingyu’s right.   It’s not just gonna be us.  It’s for all 13 of us.”

 

‘Oh, my!’ Feeding a group of 4 ravenous boys was challenge enough.

Preparing a meal for 13 growing Korean boys whose appetite seemed insatiable, that is one big challenge.

 

\-------------

 

A week after, it was still early when Sam and I finished eating breakfast.

I scheduled a trip to the market for some pork and chicken.  

I thought 6 kilos each would be enough.

I also needed to buy fresh mussels for the appetizer.

Wonwoo and Mungyu  offered to accompany me so they can help carry the dozen kilos of meat I was planning to buy.

When the other SVT members learned about the errand, all of them wanted to come.

Even Jeonghan who normally just stayed behind, in bed, resting, got up to join us as soon as he heard. 

So all 14 of us walked to the nearest market, like a squad on a hiking excursion.

At the market, after choosing the freshest meat we could find, Wonwoo walked on my left and Mingyu  on my right, each carrying a heavy bag.

The other SVT members were either behind or in front of us, walking and enjoying the relaxed atmosphere.

The8 was walking ahead, taking photos of the group using Wonwoo’s GoPro.

Cheol was with Jeonghan and Woozi posing for the camera.

Seungkwan, DK, Joshua and Vernon were together, testing each other’s English.

Dino, Junhui and Hoshi were behind us trying out some new choreo.

Our next stop was the grocery store where I bought the vinegar, soy sauce, fish sauce, bay leaves and black pepper.” for the ‘adobo.’

I also bought butter, cheese and garlic for the baked mussels.

Mingyu did some “shopping” as well, buying side dishes he really liked.

 

It was almost 11 AM when we got back to the dorms.

I got a bit self-conscious preparing the food with all 13 of them watching, but I had to work fast.

Some of them didn’t even have a proper breakfast and were already getting hungrier by the minute.

Since I regularly prepared ‘adobo’ at home, I just had to make sure the proportions were right.

Mingyu helped out with cutting the meat before I started doing my magic.

The other boys prepared the table, getting the bowls out and the utensils.

When the rice was cooked, The8, Junhui and Dino scooped them into bowls.

While waiting for the ‘adobo’ to fully cook, Mingyu and I prepared some of the side dishes, including the mussels to bake in the oven. 

With the ‘adobo’ mixture coming to a boil, filling the room with a sweet-sour smell, Hoshi got a little too excited and was about to lift the cover of the pan.

I rushed to stop him since it was too early, and the vinegar would not get “cooked” properly which would make the taste more sour than it should be, ruining the dish.

I almost toppled the pot over grabbing Hoshi’s hand.

Unfortunately, I lost my footing and was about to hit the floor when a hand caught mine and another caught my waist, lifting me up.

 

“Omo!  Mian!”

 

When I looked up, it was Cheol.

He had his arm supporting my back while he held my hand in his.

For a few seconds, we were frozen, like we were dancing and he was “dipping” me.   

He helped me up and I brushed myself down, feeling clumsy and embarrassed.

 

“I thought you were gonna disappear again!”

“Wha...what?”

“Uhmm… nothing.  I said you could have gotten seriously hurt.  You should be more careful.”

 

I heard exactly what Cheol said but I did not want to pressure him to explain what he meant.

He became kind of shifty, avoiding eye contact.  His face registered confusion.

 

“Gomawo.”

 

Before Cheol could respond, Hoshi approached me offering apologies.

 

“Mian, Denisse-si.”  

“It’s okay, Hoshi.  I was a little careless myself.”

 

A few more minutes passed and the air that filled the kitchen smelled just right.

When I lifted the pot cover, the boys got a whiff of the dish and became more excited.

Mingyu took out the buttered garlic mussels which were done baking in the oven.

I started putting portions of the pork and chicken into the 13 bowls, trying to distribute the cooked meat as equally as possible.

After, I poured in the sauce, conscientious that everyone will have some, I realized that I didn’t leave any extra for myself.

Wonwoo noticed and offered to share his ‘adobo’ which I happily accepted, feeling hungry myself.

Quickly as if they were in competition, Cheol offered to share his rice with me.

He also gave me some of the appetizer.

 

“Go...gomawo.”

 

Before taking a bite, we sang ‘Happy Birthday’ for Cheol.

He thanked everyone, myself included, for all the preparations in making his day more special.

Less than an hour after, everyone had their fill, seemingly satisfied.

When they flanked me from all sides, thanking me for the delicious meal, I got a bit overwhelmed.

I started to tear up just hearing their words of appreciation and praise.

Seeing my face redden, Cheol pushed everyone back, shielding me from their view.

To distract them, he ordered the boys to tidy up the kitchen before going back to their rooms.

When Cheol turned to look at me, I already recovered from the barrage of emotions that hit me all of a sudden. 

 

“Are you okay, Denisse-ssi?””

 

He was patting my back, trying to comfort me.

 

“Yes, I just remembered my younger brothers and sisters back home.  I usually cooked for them before they went off to school. I guess, I’m just getting a little homesick, that’s all.”

“Well, if you need to talk, I’m here to listen you know.  We’re all here.”

“Thanks, Cheol.”

 

Cheol was about to say something more when Wonwoo and Hoshi joined us.

 

“Denisse-ssi, your ‘adobo’ was really delicious. You cook really well.”

“Maybe because I love to eat, too.  And I had a lot of practice back home.”

“Do you mean you can cook other Filipino dishes, too?”

“Well, there are a few I got good at cooking since we can’t have the same thing everyday.  It gets boring.”

“Can you cook for us again, noona? Not right away, I mean.”

“Hmm, I guess I can, if we ‘re not so busy.”

“You’re really good at everything, noona.”

“Well, I’m not good at every thing.”

 

Sensing that I was still unconvinced, Wonwoo chimed in.

 

“Yeah. Not only do you cook delicious food, you’re good at singing, too.  And Cheol mentioned that you rap as well.”

“Not just a pretty face.”

 

Cheol shot me a compliment out of the blue.

Wonwoo challenged me.

 

“Okay then.  Convince us. What can’t you do?”

“One, I’m not great at dancing like you guys.  You really dance so perfectly, and in sync which makes it even more awesome to watch.  And two… I… don’t know how to… win at video games.”

 

Hoshi was hyped up.

 

“Wonwoo and I can teach you those things.  You just need to practice. A lot!”

“Yeah, right!  Like, when will I ever have the time to practice, a lot?”

 

I laughed thinking how silly Hoshi’s idea was.

I felt Cheol’s eyes on me, longer than usual.

 

“Noona, I can teach you a simple routine during rehearsal breaks.  You’re just waiting for hyung, I mean the HHU anyway.”

“Ne! And I can teach you how to play video games.  I bet you can beat Cheol once I teach you my techniques.”

“Ya!  You two better stop bugging Denisse-si.”

“I guess it would be fun… beating Cheol.”

“Alright! It’s a deal then.”

 

Hoshi was almost jumping in excitement, as he gave Wonwoo a high five.

I felt so lighthearted, I couldn’t stop smiling, and laughing.

When I turned to look at Cheol, he was laughing, too.

 

\-----

 

That evening, dance rehearsals started at 7 PM.

Hoshi was configuring a new choreo for a song they were launching the following month.

While on break, Hoshi asked me to join the Performance Unit. 

Since I suffered from a knee injury and a fractured ankle when I competed in fencing a while back in college, Hoshi had to modify some of the steps.

He had to protect both my knee and ankle from further injury.

When Hoshi tried out the step, keeping my ‘condition’ in mind, the movement appeared quite different, and new.

The8, Dino and Junhui tried it out themselves and found the modified version more to their liking.

It was also more visually distinct because of the precision and control that doing the motions required.

Hoshi then asked me to imitate their movements, slowly at first.

When he saw that I had no problems following, Hoshi went over the rest of the choreo a lot faster.  

We almost finished a whole segment when they were called back to resume rehearsals.

Although they didn’t get to rest during the break, the Performance Unit remained  fired up.

After dismissal, everyone quickly set off for the dorms, ready to hit the sheets ASAP.

The SVT boys seemed spent from the evening’s workout.

Who wouldn’t be if you go over the drills so many times that the movements become second nature and you dance on automatic?

Great job, my dear SVT. 

Exhausted yet fulfilled, I too signed off for the night.

Or was it morning already?  


	9. IX

Almost half a year has passed since I started working for Pledis.

I moved to Korea alone, leaving behind my family and friends in the Philippines.

My sister, Jeanne, shall graduate this December and wants to travel first before finding a permanent job.

As a graduation gift, I promised to sponsor her trip to visit me for a short vacation.

Since she wouldn’t know anyone in Korea, I anticipated that I would either take a leave from work or bring her with me to work for a day or two.  

That is one topic I will have to discuss with Hana when the right moment comes.

It’s not that easy bringing outsiders inside Pledis for security reasons.

Note to self: get permission ASAP to bring sister to work.

 

Fall just started.

SVT’s 2019 World Tour already started the previous month, with the first leg of concerts done in Korea.

Upcoming concert destinations include Los Angeles, Singapore, Indonesia, Malaysia, Thailand, Hongkong, and before going back “home” as a last stop, my country, the Philippines. 

The Mnet Asian Music Awards (MAMA) and the Asia Artist Awards (AAA) are still months away but the boys were polishing their execution of the new choreo Hoshi came up with, the same one my injuries inspired.

Last year, SVT won Best Dance Performance by a Male Group for their song “Oh, My!” at the 2018 MAMA, and received the Best Artist and Artist of the Year Awards at the 2018 AAA.   

They are scheduled to perform again this year and wanted to make sure everything would be awesome.

Although the PDs didn’t always need to be present during rehearsals, Sam and I made sure at least one of us would be nearby, available to help in case our boys needed something.

During concerts, we both had to be there, vigilantly anticipating what our HHU might require. 

Considering how hectic SVT’s concert schedule can be, always being available for them was the least we could do to help. 

 

I was busy chatting with my sister online, just waiting in the lounge area for rehearsals to finish when Vernon came in with Jeonghan, asking for some ice.  

Vernon somehow hurt his right hand doing a floor routine and took a break while the others kept practicing.

Jeonghan assisted him, wanting to make sure he was okay.

Without second thoughts, I quickly said goodbye to Jeanne.

Having any member injured or not in the best condition to perform would be catastrophic.

I felt pressured to act fast, so I almost ran to the pantry.

I got an ice pack from the fridge and immediately handed it to Vernon.

During breaks, Vernon would typically just listen to his playlist so as not to get bored.

Now, with his “condition,” he asked if I could apply the ice pack on his wrist since he needed the other hand to hold his phone.

Vernon and I have gotten close enough that he was comfortable asking me for small favors.

Although these happened frequently, most of his requests were quite easy so I really didn’t mind.

With nothing better to do, seeing Vernon’s apologetic expression, I sat beside him on the couch.

I cradled his hand and gently applied the ice pack on his wrist.

Vernon winced a little when I moved his arm.

Jeonghan offered to hold the ice pack himself.

I offered to do some reflexology on his other hand just to help Vernon relax.

 

“Oh, noona.  That feels really good.  Where did you learn to do that?”

“My grandfather used to do that when my hand got really tired and sore from a lot of writing.  My mom’s kind of a perfectionist when it came to penmanship so I really had to make sure my notes were legible.”

“So that explains why your penmanship is on fleek.”

“When did you see my handwriting, Jeonghan?”

“Well, I noticed you have this notebook you often write on and I can see that you write really well.  Not that I actually read what you wrote but more about how neat your notes looked.”

“Oh, you mean CJ.  My Carat Journal. Yeah, I jot notes of what happens everyday, things I need to keep in mind.  Extraordinary experiences I want to remember. Just like on my first day, I took note of what each HHU member shared and how I could help.”

“Wah, really?  Noona, that’s really thorough.  But I do feel how attentive you are to all four of us in HHU.  Good thing hyung asked you to be our unit’s PD.”

 

Vernon was such a kid, very honest.

 

“Actually, Mingyu mentioned something about that, and that Cheol did that because he thought I can rap well?  Would you know whatever gave him that idea?”

“Hmm, I don’t really know how exactly.  But I do remember hearing him ask Hana. It was still a bit early then and Cheol asked who else was already in the building.  He mentioned hearing someone singing and rapping somewhere. Hana said it was probably you, Denisse-ssi.”

“Was that what happened?  I don’t actually remember.  It could have been another PD.”

“I think nobody else has arrived yet that day.  Anyway, we do know you can sing pretty well. But can you really rap?”

 

Jeonghan barely spoke but seemed interested to know my answer.

 

“Well, I can rap some of your songs, Vernon.  I really like it when I hear you rap and you sort of throw in some English words here and there.”

“Can you rap something for me?”

“I can’t rap freestyle.”

“Sing something then,” Jeonghan interjected.

“I feel kind of awkward doing acapella.  I’ll try to look for a guitar.”

“What? You mean, you play instruments, too?”

“Basically, all of us in my family sing and play an instrument ‘coz my parents used to sing in a church choir.  So my sister and I also sang for a while.”

 

Noticing that the ice already melted in the pack, I let go of Vernon’s hand and stood up.

 

“I’ll get more ice and find a  guitar. I think I saw one lying around.”

 

Accidentally, I grabbed Jeonghan’s hand while trying to get the ice pack from him.

Jeonghan stood up pulling the ice pack away from my reach.

 

“I’ll get the ice, you get the guitar.”

 

When I got back, Jeonghan was already back with Vernon but they were no longer by themselves. The rest of SVT were there, expressing concern over Vernon’s injury.

When I approached, they all noticed what I held.

“Hey, noona.  What’s with the guitar?”

 

Vernon quite eagerly responded on my behalf.

 

“Jeonghan hyung and I asked her to sing a song.”

“Daebak! You even know how to play instruments?”

 

Seungkwan’s face registered amazement and I couldn’t help but laugh a little.

 

“Well, I just know the basics.  I’m no Sungha Jung, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

 

Vernon motioned me to sit beside him on the couch. 

When I did, everybody else found their own seats, seeming to wait for what I would do next.

 

“Noona, do you know any AJ Rafael song?”

 

Vernon seemed unsure that I would.

Hearing the name, Joshua came closer.

 

“I think I do.  He’s Fil-American, right?”

“Yeah.  Joshua recommended him to me.  I mostly like hip-hop but I really enjoy how he sings.  His style really relaxes me when my energy’s kinda low.”

“Well, I’ll try.  I like his song ‘We Could Happen’.  I’ll just warm up my fingers a little.”

 

I felt more nervous, like I was about to do a recital in front of a very talented audience whom I really wanted to please.  

OMG!  I was supposed to just have Vernon and Jeonghan listening. 

Now, I have all 13 SVT boys waiting to hear me play.

I tried to calm myself and my growing nervousness.

_ ‘Okay, Denisse.  Imagine you are alone in your room.  Just breathe.’ _

When my fingers started plucking the first few notes of the song, I closed my eyes and was transported to my own little world.

After a couple of stanzas, Vernon and Joshua joined in, singing some lines with me.

Then, there was a part when I just tapped the guitar while singing acapella.

I suddenly heard them clap to the beat.

When I heard the echo of my last strum completely fade into silence, I slowly opened my eyes.

I was back on the couch, with 13 handsomely glowing Korean boys looking straight at me, smiling.

I didn’t realize that they had moved closer since I kept my eyes shut the whole time, fearing I might get distracted and commit a mistake while singing.

Cheol was also right in front of me, really distracting. 

When our eyes locked, he looked as if he was about to say something.

Before he could utter a word, everyone started cheering and speaking at the same time, some saying that they had no idea I could play the guitar and that I could do it so well.

Jeonghan, who was often passive about such ruckus, even mustered the energy to stand and come closer just to tell me how awesome my singing was, my guitar playing, too.

He gave me an unexpected hug that lasted several seconds.

It felt kind of pleasantly natural.

Seungkwan and DK also gave me bear hugs like I was their long lost sister.

It felt really good and a bit overwhelming at the same time being the center of such attention.  

 

“Noona, play something else.  Please-seu!”

“Ahm, I’ll have to practice a bit.  I didn’t realize I haven’t played in a while and my fingers have gotten a little sore.”

 

I tried to shake off my left hand which was slightly tingling.

With mention of my ‘predicament,’ Cheol took the guitar from me and held my hand, inspecting it.

My fingertips were a bit red.

I probably pressed a little too hard on the guitar strings in my desire to make the sound clearer.

Performance anxiety, I guess.

I didn’t feel any pain when I played but my hand was really throbbing then.

I felt a slight twinge and almost pulled my hand away.

Cheol kept holding my hand, a bit longer than normal.

He probably just realized how seemingly exaggerated his concern was when he saw the strange looks Vernon, Jeonghan and the others were giving him.

He instantly let go, as if he got burnt touching me.

As if to explain his unusual behavior, he went on about what I should do with my hand while admonishing Vernon about his favors.

 

“You better put some ice on those, Denisse-ssi.  They look swollen. Vernon, don’t ask her to play anymore. Just until her fingers get better.”

 

Out of the blue, Cheol gave me a last-minute compliment.

 

“Mmm, you sounded really great by the way.”

 

I thought he was just forced into saying so but the sincerity in his eyes despite his tight lipped smile reassured me that he meant it.

 

“Gomawo!”

 

Joshua picked up the guitar Cheol placed on the couch and followed Vernon as they all went back to rehearse.

I took Cheol’s advice and went to the pantry to get some ice for my ‘lucky’ fingers.

Rehearsals went on until almost midnight.

I waited at the lounge area just in case the HHU needed me to run some more errands.

I was still playing online games, preparing for my “battle” with Cheol when I dozed off.

 

\-----------

 

_ She was already used to these scenarios. _

_ Opening her eyes to another seemingly unfamiliar place, at first unaware of why she was there. _

_ It was already dark and she was standing on a sidestreet when a group of boys, a handsome and loud bunch, seemed to be walking in her direction. _

_ They were still some distance away for her to truly recognize their faces but she somehow knew them.  There appeared to be a young girl with them, too. _

_ Before reaching the block where she was, the group turned on a corner and disappeared from view. _

_ As she stood beside the lamppost, a member of the group who seemed to be lagging behind was about to follow the others. _

_ After looking in her direction, suddenly he walked straight towards her. _

_ He hurriedly approached, seemingly excited.   _

 

_ “Hey, Alecx!  It is you.” _

 

_ Seungcheol sounded pleasantly surprised and gave her a quick hug. _

 

_ “I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me.  I haven’t seen you in a while. Have you been in Korea this whole time?” _

 

_ Still trying to remember their last encounter in Japan, she gave a short response. _

 

_ “Not exactly.” _

_ “Well, it’s good to see you’re back.  You can’t believe what happened. Did you hear that Dispatch released photos of us together.  One here in Korea and another in Japan. It almost got out of hand.”  _

_ “Really?  I didn’t think there was anything wrong with us being seen together?” _

_ “Well, you know.  People tend to think that something is going on...between us.” _

_ “Whatever would give them that idea?” _

_ “Since you’re not a public figure, they don’t know who you are.  They tend to be suspicious about your true identity and what you are to me.  Good thing, we found a quick solution.” _

_ “Oh, I see.  So how did you solve it?” _

_ “I think I mentioned to you before, about Denisse-ssi.  She’s one of the PDs assigned to our unit. What I forgot to tell you before was that she actually looked a lot like you, as in you could actually be mistaken as sisters.  She’s quite pretty, too. So…” _

 

_ While she should have felt awkward hearing Seungcheol finding another girl attractive, strangely, she felt thrilled.  _

 

_ “Wait.   Are you saying that she pretended to be me in those pictures?  Were we that alike?” _

_ “Considerably, yes.  Coincidentally, she also laughed like you, loud.  So, if ever somebody did hear our conversations, they would have easily believed that you and Denisse-ssi are one and the same.” _

_ “Did Dispatch believe your story?” _

_ “‘They seem to have.  Especially since after that, the rumor died down and no other news followed.” _

_ “That’s a relief.  Though now, I’m quite intrigued to meet her.” _

_ “Who? Do you mean Denisse-ssi?” _

_ “Yes, she is with your group now, right.  I think I saw her with the other SVT boys just now.” _

_ “Actually, no. I think it’s Sam you saw, the other PD.  She went ahead with Mingyu and the others to buy food. I was trying catch up with them.” _

 

_ Cheol suddenly became silent, preoccupied with his own thoughts. _

 

_ “You seem anxious.  What are you thinking about?” _

_ “I just realized that I didn’t really see Denisse-ssi when I left the building.  She may have gone back to the dorm. I’m not quite sure. Normally, she’d ask permission to leave if she needed to go somewhere, even if she’ll be right back.  She’s quite considerate that way. But now, I really can’t remember when I last saw her. It’s as if she disappeared.” _

 

_ Cheol’s initial excitement at seeing her seemed to have dissipated as worry registered on his face. _

_ He seemed distracted, torn between wanting to stay and an urgent need to go somewhere. _

_ Not wanting to burden him, she made an excuse to leave. _

 

_ “Seungcheol, it’s already getting late and I won’t keep you any longer.  I also need to go back myself. It was really great seeing you again, even for just a short while.” _

_ “Yes, yes.  Me, too. I mean, I think I left my jacket at Pledis.  I’ll have to go back and take a look.” _

_ “Okay, bye then.  See you again soon.” _

_ “See you around, Alecx.” _

 

_ She turned around and started walking away. _

_ She felt peculiar going over her brief exchange with Seungcheol. _

_ Oddly enough, she wasn’t jealous or bothered about how he talked animatedly  about this ‘Denisse.’  _

_ In fact, what she heard sort of cheered her up, boosting her spirit. _

_ Her unexpected reaction confounded her. _

_ What she found even more strange was Cheol wanting to go back because of a “jacket” when he was already wearing one. _

_ Then a man on a bike went past. _

_ There was a pinwheel spinning on the handlebar, which amazingly, slowed down to a stop. _

_ Once again, darkness engulfed her. _

 

_ \-------------- _

 

I had been asleep for who knows how long when Cheol roused me, nudging my shoulder gently.

Though the room was cold, my cheeks felt warm having him close.

 

“Denisse-ssi, rehearsals are over and the other PDs have gone back to the dorms.”

 

Cheol sounded worried.

 

“Good thing I came back for my...jacket.  You could have spent the night here. Aren’t you cold?”

 

I reassured him that I was okay.

Though the lights were dim, he could see my face clearly since he was already sitting next to me on the couch.

I’m sure my face was red with embarrassment.

 

“Thanks for waking me.  I better get back ‘coz Sam might be worried by now.”

“Don’t worry about Sam.  She’s with the others. They went out to eat.  And you, have you had dinner yourself?”

“Yes?  I’m not sure.  But I’m not hungry anyway.”

 

Just then my stomach grumbled in objection.

Cheol tried to keep from smiling.  

He probably didn’t want to embarrass me some more since I was still trying to recover from my earlier blush.

 

“If I had known you were still here, I would have asked you to come with us.  I don’t understand why Sam didn’t look for you earlier.”

 

He sounded a bit apologetic and irritated at the same time.

“Well, it may have slipped her mind.  Anyway, I think we’d better call it a night. You have an early appointment tomorrow, right?”

“It’s pushed back to next week.  Hana just told us. I think something came up.  C’mon, let’s get you something to eat.”

“Just go ahead and eat.  You don’t need to worry about me.  I don’t feel like eating anyway.”. 

 

Another growl, louder than the first.

Cheol could no longer contain himself and we both burst laughing.

I could no longer deny how I truly felt.

 

“Well, I guess I am a bit hungry.”

“Just a bit?  With how loud that was?  I beg to disagree.”

 

He was teasing and I tried to act offended but couldn’t keep a straight face.

He took my hand and pulled me up.

 

“Gaja.  Let’s get you some food.”

 

I hesitated.

 

“Ppalli.  We’ll follow the others and get you something delicious.  It’ll be worth the trip.”

 

I felt like a kid being offered candy.

I followed Cheol without objection, my hand warm in his as he led the way.

The 24-hour convenience store was the only place still open where we could get food. 

It was almost 1:00 in the morning and most of the other diners have closed for the night.

The whole time walking, Cheol did not let go.

I felt uneasy walking beside him so I stayed a step behind.

Anyone who saw us would think he was “pushing” me to follow him, by actually pulling my hand.

I enjoyed the trip, to be honest.

It felt like one of those pretend videos where, if you view it from you phone,  it looked as if your boyfriend was holding your hand leading you somewhere romantic.

I fooled myself into thinking it was one of those.

When we reached the place, Sam was there with Mingyu and the others.

They were outside, sitting on chairs near the entrance, eating. 

Others were inside looking at the shelves, still undecided, while some were already waiting in line to pay for their food.

I told Cheol that I was okay to eat ramyeon and he asked me to line up while he got our food.

Lining up, it felt kind of familiar, as if I had been here before.

It was strange though, especially when I noticed a pinwheel at the counter, near the cashier.

Cheol sort of cut me in line, stood in front with his back to me.

When he turned and smiled, I felt the dejavu come on stronger.

When he finished paying, we joined the others outside.

Wonwoo asked where else Cheol went since it took a while before we arrived.

 

“I accidentally ran into Alecx again when I was trying to catch up with you guys.  We got to chat a little. I told her about what happened with the ‘Dispatch’ article that came out.”

The8 asked, “Is she the girl you were seen with, the one who looked like Denisse-ssi?  Why didn’t you bring her?”

“Yes and I wanted to so you could meet her, but something came up.  I had something more important to do.”

 

He looked at me for a second.

Hoshi was still curious.

 

“How come you came with noona?”

 

The others acted disinterested but all of them stopped speaking all of a sudden, seeming eager to hear Cheol’s explanation.

He fidgeted a little before going over what happened.

 

“Uhm, I returned to the building to look for something and found Denisse-ssi sleeping on one of the couches.  So I woke her up and asked her to join us. She hasn’t eaten dinner apparently.”

 

Dino innocently probed.

 

“What were you looking for, hyung?”

“Ah, my jacket.”  Cheol replied nonchalantly.

 

Woozi butted in, seeming unconvinced.

 

“Your jacket?  But you were wearing it when I saw you walking behind us.”

 

Some of the others nodded in agreement.

 

“Hmm, yes I was.  But I was kind of distracted and thought I left it at the studio so I went back.”

 

Cheol appeared uneasy and was turning red.

 

“That’s weird, didn’t you…”

 

Hoshi continued asking but Jeonghan cut him short.

 

“That’s how Cheol says it happened.  So let’s move on to another topic of discussion, please.”

 

Not wanting to get on their hyungs’ bad side, knowing so well how they are when angry, everyone resumed their own conversations.

When everybody finished eating, all 15 of us started walking back.

Wonwoo walked beside me on my right and Cheol stayed on my left, with Jeonghan on his.

It has been a week since Wonwoo started teaching me to play video games.

Competitive as I was, with Wonwoo’s tricks of the trade, I started going up the game’s levels.  Wonwoo even mentioned that I could probably beat Cheol, with just a few more days of playing.

Cheol was competitive, too.

Especially when it came to video games.

He and Wonwoo would often play until dawn when their schedule was free the following day.

Their room had two computers set-up side-by-side so they could play together online, either as teammates or opponents, depending on the game.

Although I’m not really into playing computer games, I had fun since Wonwoo was a really good teacher, very technical.

He was also quite patient when I started out since I mostly got killed over and over before I finally got the hang of it.

When I first tried playing, I couldn’t hit the right keys on the keyboard as quick as I should.

I often slammed my hands on the table as if doing so helped my character win.

After a few days of practice, I was able to stay calm enough to just let my fingers do the work.

My mentor Wonwoo was so proud when I almost beat him once.

I was so surprised that I actually jumped on him in my excitement.

Cheol walked in on us right about then and seemed mad about something when he walked past.

He didn’t even greet us as he normally did.

Since I didn’t really enjoy losing, too, I started to practice playing other online games on my phone and got really good at some.

As we got closer to our sleeping quarters, Wonwoo updated Cheol on my playing prowess.

 

“Hyung, you know what? Denisse-ssi has gotten real good in gaming.  Are you up to the challenge?”

“What’s in it for the winner?”

“I don’t know.  What do you have in mind?”

 

Cheol seemed to give it some thought, then responded with a smile.

 

“Dinner, a special treat.”

“Alright then.  It’s a deal! You two shake on it.”

 

I stared at Wonwoo in disbelief.

Did he really think I could beat Seungcheol?

Am I good enough to win, or even to just put up a good fight?

I thought that the chances would be slim.

Still surprised, I was no longer able to express any objection that was circling in my head.

I just looked at Cheol’s face as he took my hand for a quick shake to seal our agreement.

He winked and his smile was kind of naughty, as if he knew something I didn’t.

Resigned to my fate yet unwilling to totally surrender, I consoled myself.

What’s the worst that could happen anyway?

If I win, I get to eat for free.

If Cheol wins, I get to eat with him though I’d be the one paying.

In either scenario, how can I lose?

Jeonghan was quiet the whole way back, barely making a peep.

He seemed deep in thought.

Upon reaching the dorms, we all said our “goodnights” though it was already past 3 in the morning.

Although everyone still seemed alert and eager to talk, enjoying each other’s company, we had to rest and recharge.

Upon reaching our room, I took a quick shower ahead of Sam.  

When Sam got in bed, she quickly fell asleep, judging by the sound of her breathing.

Half an hour later, I was under the sheets, eyes wide, still staring at the ceiling.

I recalled how Cheol and I walked hand in hand.

I felt thrilled remembering how it felt, I kicked my legs high in the air while crushing my pillow in a tight hug.

Though I know I may be reading too much into his gestures, I still wish I’d see him in my dreams.

At least there, I’d be the one in charge of what happens and I can give our story a romantic twist.

The weird thing is, I have not dreamt once since coming to Korea.

Slowly, as my eyelids drooped heavy, I surrendered to the darkness and finally slept.

 

————

 

I woke up early that day even though Sam and I got back way past midnight from our gastric rendezvous, together with the SVT boys.

I was listless due to lack of sleep but I was able to finish the laundry.  

I also tidied up our room since I hadn’t done so for the past couple of days.  

I finished all errands in time for our scheduled bout.

Wonwoo and Cheol agreed to start our “contest” early afternoon, before practice.

I went to Wonwoo and Cheol’s room, expecting that we would be playing on their PC’s.

However, the rest of SVT learned about the challenge and started betting on who wins.

Surprisingly, half of the group was rooting for me while the other half supported Cheol.

_ Team Denisse: Jeonghan, Wonwoo, DK, Seungkwan, Mingyu, and Vernon _

_ Team Cheol: Hoshi, The8, Junhui, Woozi, Dino, and Joshua _

When I got to their room, there was no one there, and the PCs were off.

There was a note where the keyboards used to be.

_ ‘Denisse-ssi, please proceed to the den. - Wonwoo’ _

Strange.  Why would they need to transfer the keyboards?  We could have just played in the bedroom.

As I continued walking, I heard voices growing louder, a lot of them.

Upon reaching the den, Wonwoo met me at the door, a full smile on his face.

He almost filled the doorway, tall as he was.

Peeking over his shoulder, I saw that the room was full, almost every corner occupied.

When I came into full view of who else came to watch, besides the SVT boys, some of the other PDs were there.

Upon seeing me, half of those in the room started chanting my name while the other half shouted Cheol’s, as if we were politicians running for office or mixed martial artists, about to go at it.

No holds barred.

With the huge smart TV at one wall, the PC setup on the left, two keyboards strategically placed in front, and a full audience cramped in the small den, this was no longer just a friendly game nor a minor event.

Now, it felt like the NBA Championships, the season finale.

The nervous smile plastered on my face betrayed the growing anxiety I felt.

Cheol probably noticed.

He approached me, his eyes reassuring.

He pulled me to join him at our designated stations.

Once we were seated, it was Wonwoo’s cue to formally announce the beginning of our adventure into the world of gaming.

 

“Okay, everyone, please find your seats.  Just a few rules before we begin today’s main event.”

 

As if there were other events scheduled for the day.

I didn’t really hear the rest of what Wonwoo said.

The throbbing in my ears blocked out all sounds.

My thoughts started to sound louder in my head.

 

_ ‘How did I ever get into this?  Why did I let Wonwoo’s confidence persuade me into agreeing to this craziness? I’m so inexperienced, I’m sure Cheol would just get bored playing and crush me within seconds. But if I do win, Cheol might get embarrassed and start acting awkward and keep away.  That would really be a problem. Wait, what am I saying?’ _

“Hey, Denisse-ssi.  Just enjoy the game with me.  Let’s have fun.”

 

His smile distracted me from my internal conversation, and left me with an unexpected calmness.

Cheol gently squeezed my hand as if to say that we were actually together in this, whatever this was.

Although my heart was still beating fast, I was able to focus on the screen.

Before Wonwoo gave instructions to start the game, I closed my eyes and tried to recall all the techniques he taught me.

After several deep inhales and exhales, I finally got my bearings and slowly opened my eyes.

The room became silent, with hushed whispers here and there. 

With my fingers warmed up and properly placed on the keyboard, I fixed my eyes on the screen, and poured all my concentration into playing my best.

“Ready, Players.  Game on.”

A few minutes into the game, I felt my exhilaration rising.

I did not expect to last long.

Although I knew Cheol was a gentleman and may consider letting up a little, gaming was a whole new frontier.

I’ve watched him play with Wonwoo too many times.

They often got so intense that you’d think they were mortal enemies, for real.

I knew Cheol took his gaming seriously and losing to someone as green as I am would be unforgivable.

But he did say to just enjoy playing, right?

Maybe that’s what he’s doing and not really pushing himself to win.

The game lasted a lot longer than I expected.

Wonwoo clarified earlier that whoever levels up first would be declared the winner.  

We would not be able to finish the whole game anyway since there were so many levels to go through.

The time allotted for the whole “event” was only an hour-and-a-half since rehearsals would follow after.

An hour passed and my competitive side took over.

I became so intent on winning, I was tapping the keys so hard and with such speed that they almost flew off the board.

I felt possessed by the Goddess of Gaming Glory just then.

Across from me, Cheol showed the same intensity, tapping so eagerly on his keyboard.

We were head-to-head, the leaderboard changing every couple of minutes.  

Before the next half-hour was over, I kind of felt that the game got easier.

When I sneaked a look over to where Cheol was, our eyes met yet again.

It happened quite frequently nowadays, which I found quite discomforting.

But who am I to complain?

I noticed he was no longer keenly focused on playing but wore a more relaxed expression, even his posture.

Before our time was up, surprisingly, I was first to level up, winning the game.

Only seconds after, Cheol levelled up, too.

But everybody already gave out loud cheers, some gasped, astonished at the unexpected outcome.

I won.  I won? I WON!

I stood up, feeling awkward as I walked over to Cheol, planning to say ‘I got lucky’, or something like that to console him or lessen the blow.

However, when Cheol stood up, he didn’t look angry, not even disappointed.

I shyly offered my hand for a shake.

Instead, he took my arm, pulled me close and trapped me in a bear hug.

My hands automatically went up his back, enjoying the embrace.

Everyone still kept cheering although some already started noticing the small bubble we shared.

I almost rested my head on Cheol’s chest had I not remembered that we had an audience.

Cheol loosened his hold and allowed me to take a step back.

Only then did he give me a handshake, bowing his head in acceptance of his ‘loss’.

Since everybody was still cheering loudly, Cheol tried to speak up.

 

“Congratulations, Denisse-ssi!  I shall now take you to dinner.”

“What?  I can’t hear you.  It’s a bit noisy!”

 

As if I had to explain to him how loud everybody was, one half still teasing the other about the outcome.

 

“I said, congratulations for winning and your dinner shall be my treat!”

“Sorry.  I still can’t understand a word you’re saying!”

 

Inhaling deeply, Cheol shouted at the top of his voice, saying each word slowly and deliberately, at an inopportune moment which he realized too late.

 

“DENISSE-SSI. LET’S. GO. ON. A. DATE!”

 

Halfway through his sentence, as if on cue, the noise suddenly died down letting everyone hear clearly what he had to say. 

With Cheol’s loud modulated voice filling the room, and his last word echoing in everyone’s ear, all conversations came to a halt.

DATE.

Filling the awkward silence, Wonwoo finally announced that I won.

Although Cheol and I reached the next level, I was the first to do so. 

Wonwoo ceremoniously held my wrist and lifted my arm, declaring me as the official winner.

I felt like a boxer winning a bout, although my opponent did not look bruised at all.

He was actually smiling, as if he was the one who won.

Wonwoo started ushering everyone out of the room, announcing that rehearsals would start soon.

It was their last day of practice before flying off to Los Angeles on the weekend, the first stop in their concert tour.

 

\--------------

 

Since the World Tour for the year already began, concert days were spent doing on-stage rehearsals and actual performances.

Most of SVT’s evenings in-between concert days were spent doing photoshoots.  

The production team usually arranged for trips to spectacular and scenic  locations in the country where the concert was being held.

Most of the time, too, the whole group ate at restaurants famous for their local cuisine.

We just finished the last concert scheduled in Hong-Kong and was about to ride to the harbour to watch the symphony of lights while listening to live music played by local artists.

I was at the back of one of the vans where I usually sat, waiting for the others to get on.

The team dinner was at a restaurant famous for its brisket curry and noodles, among others.

Knowing SVT’s full calendar, there was no “date” available to fit in Cheol’s promised dinner.

Not that I am complaining.

In fact, for me, the many times we ate out as a group was enough reward for my gaming victory, more than I truly deserve.

I knew that there was no way I could have won against Cheol in video games, unless he allowed it.

And I’m thankful because of the boost of confidence the experience gave me.

 

‘Gomapta, Seungcheol!’

 

I was savoring that thought in my head, both eyes closed,  when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

When I opened my eyes, Cheol was sitting in the captain’s chair in front of me. 

As always, wearing one of his hypnotic smiles.

I thought, at first, that I ‘dreamt’ him into appearing, finally.

But when he started talking, I realized he was the real Cheol 

 

“Hey, Denisse-ssi.  I got an idea.”

“Huh?  What about?”

“About our dinner?”

“Yes.  What about tonight’s dinner?”

“No.  Not about that. Our dinner, just the two of us, remember?  You, beating me in a video game and my penalty for losing?”

“Oh, that.  We’ll, we don’t really need to do it. I know how busy your schedule is.”

“Yes, that is true.  But you see, I’ve been thinking about it for the last couple of weeks.  I kinda feel bad not keeping my promise sooner.”

“I really don’t mind, Cheol.  Don’t worry about it.”

“But, I can’t.  Not worry, I mean.  And I really do want us to go.  ‘My word is my bond,’ you see. I wouldn’t be able to sleep soundly if I don’t keep my promise to you.”

 

Seeing how persistent Cheol was being, I had no other choice but to surrender.

 

“Well alright then.  Let’s hear it.”

 

I sat up straight, intent to listen as Cheol went on excitedly about his ‘plan’.

 

“Since our next stop would be in the Philippines, let’s have our date there.”

“Dinner, you mean.  Well, we could probably do that.”

“We can go on a date at a place you don’t commonly go to.”

“Hmm, if you like seafood, we can have our ‘dinner’ near the coast where they catch them fresh and cook them according to how we want.”

 

I don’t know if Cheol hadn’t actually noticed or he was simply choosing to ignore how I used the term ‘dinner’ instead of ‘date,’ every time.

 

“That sounds delicious, as long as the dishes aren’t too spicy.  I’m not so Korean in that aspect.”

“Actually, me too.  I’m ‘ _ matakaw _ ’ but I’m not a fan of spicy dishes.”

“What’s‘ matakaw’?”

“It’s used to describe someone who enjoys eating a lot of food, more than the average.”

“What do you call the seafood place?”

“ _ Dampa _ , which is tagalog for a cabin or a hut.”

“So it’s a deal then.  The following evening after our last concert day in the Philippines, we will go on our ‘ _ Dampa _ Date,’ agreed?”

“It’s our ‘Dampa Dinner.’ 

“Right...date!”

 

Smiling with a naughty glint in his eyes, Cheol quickly turned facing front, putting on his headphones.

I had no choice but to just let the ‘date’ pass.

 

———-

 

Almost a month has gone by since SVT left ‘home.’

For me, it has been seven months when I left mine.

And now, I’m back in the Philippines with the rest of my SVT family.

I kind of felt different.

The concert, as expected, is sold out.

My first day back in the country, I had a quick reunion with my Carat friends.

Since the concert was still a day after our arrival, Hana gave me permission to go out.

The SVT boys were just having a closed session and I asked Sam to take charge while I was gone, just in case they needed anything.

Celene, Lisa, Sab, and I met at a coffee shop in the mall near our hotel.

After ordering, we occupied one of the couches.

They couldn’t wait to hear what happened while I was in Korea, asking questions, one after another.

I obligingly shared my stories.

Not every little detail, of course.

We still had a lot of catching up to do but I became fidgety as the hours  passed.

I was no longer used to being away from my SVT boys for extended periods of time.

When the clock struck 8 PM, I felt too uneasy and had to excuse myself.

Since the first concert day would be tomorrow, I just promised to see them after. 

The coffee shop was not far from Hotel Okada where the SVT Team was staying. 

When I arrived at the hotel, I went to the room the PDs shared.

There was no one there so I went to the one where the HHU stayed.

I knocked on the door and waited.

There was no answer.

I knocked again, but still no answer.

The group may have gone out for dinner which was quite usual.

When I was about to leave, the door slightly opened.

It was Jeonghan.

 

“Annyeong, Denisse-ssi.”

 

Apparently, I knocked on the Vocal Unit’s room.

Apologizing for the intrusion,  I was about to turn on my heels to finally leave when I heard a thud from the other side of the door.

Worried, I tried to push the door open further.

When I finally pushed it far enough to see inside, I saw Jeonghan on the floor.

I rushed to see if he was hurt.

He was still conscious but appeared a little drowsy.

 

“Jeonghan, are you okay?”

 

He looked at me with weak eyes.

Realizing the stupidity of my question seeing his current state of dishevelment, I helped him up.

He was able to stand but I had to drape his right arm over my shoulder so I could help him walk to the bed.

Jeonghan got sick towards the end of last month’s tour.

He was advised to take a rest and was given medication that made him drowsy.

Judging from the prescription bottle on top of his bedside table, Jeonghan may be experiencing the brunt of the side effects of the medicines he took.

He lay silent on the bed.

I sat on the side, waiting if he would wake or ask for anything else.

After a few minutes, he appeared to have fallen asleep.

Not wanting to intrude on his privacy, I slowly moved to get up and leave.

But before I could get on my feet, Jeonghan caught my hand.

He tried to sit up on the bed, leaning on the cushioned headboard.

 

“Denisse-ssi, could you stay awhile?”

“Ahm, okay.  Is there anything I can get you, Jeonghan?”

“Just keep me company for now.”

 

He again closed his eyes.

His voice sounded hoarse and very weak.

I placed a pillow on his side to support his head.

Jeonghan lost weight since the tour began.  

Besides falling ill, he was already quite exhausted from the tour preparations.

Among the SVT members, Jeonghan usually took the longest to learn the choreo.

He makes up for it by practicing longer than the others.

But once he learns the steps, his execution is flawless.

I am often mesmerized whenever SVT dances, especially when it’s Jeonghan in the spotlight.

He always gets the “pretty” awesome portions of the choreo, and he looks so good doing them.

While his features can be mistaken as a girl’s, his movements are definitely masculine.

Sneaking a look at his profile while he rested his head on the pillow, he does look like a ‘cheonsa,’ an angel.

Which reminds me, his birthday is coming up the day after SVT’s final concert in the Philippines, October 4.

It’s the same date as Cheol’s dinner treat.

It would be unfortunate if Jeonghan would still be unwell by then.

Knowing what he liked to drink, I silently went to the kitchen and prepared him a glass of warm milk.

When I got back, he had his eyes half open and seemed anxious.

 

“Denisse-ssi, you’re still here.  I thought you already left.”

“Oh, would you like me to leave then?”

 

I hesitated but I still walked closer to hand him the glass.

 

“I thought you might like some milk.  Try to drink some. It’ll make you feel a bit better.”

“Gomawo. And please, stay.  I’d like the company.”

 

He patted the side of the bed, motioning me to sit.

Jeonghan flashed a half smile.

I was totally smitten and could do nothing else but obey.

Lifting the glass to his mouth, he sipped some of the milk.

As he lowered it, I couldn’t help but laugh a little. 

 

“What’s funny?  Why are you laughing?”

“You kind of have a...mustache.  Milk.”

“Oh!”

 

Seemingly embarrassed, he tried to stand up.

 

“No, don’t get up.  You might get dizzy again.  What do you need?”

“Can you hand me some wet wipes please?”

“No problemo!”

 

When I got back, Jeonghan already drank all of the milk.

His ‘mustache’ was even thicker now.

He tried to lick it off his upper lip but was only partly successful.

I tried to keep my laugh under control, seeing his futile attempts.

He smiled, too.

I handed him the wipes and took the empty glass back to the sink.

When I returned, I brought a glass of water expecting that he’d be thirsty.

 

“Hey, can you read minds?  How did you know that I’d be asking for water?

 

I sat on the side of the bed, facing him as I handed him the drink.

 

“Well, I have a sixth sense when it comes to reading people and seeing their unspoken desires.”

 

Jeonghan smiled, unconvinced.

 

“I somehow don’t believe that you can.  You are quite dense, you know.”

 

Jeonghan was already sitting up on the bed, seeming slightly more energized than earlier, his face radiant.

 

“Ya, Jeonghan-ssi!  That’s a bit harsh. And why do you think so?”

“If you don’t know yet, then that only confirms that you are indeed dense.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Okay, let’s test you then.  Do you believe you’re attractive?”

“Not...really.”

“See? That only confirms how oblivious you can be.”

“What?  I don’t get what you mean.”

“See here.  You possess a lot of characteristics, talents even, that appeal to the opposite sex.  You’re not just another pretty face. Although not everyone in SVT may want to pursue you romantically, I am quite positive that more than half, if not all, saw something attractive or may even have a crush on you.”

“Now, Jeonghan, that really is exaggerated!”

“The fact that you don’t realize the truth of it only proves what I said.  You are dense.”

I couldn’t argue anymore seeing how tired Jeonghan was beginning to look.

His cheekbones were already more prominent having recently lost weight.

He may be exerting himself too much by just talking.

 

“Okay, okay.  I am dense, then.  Let’s not argue about it.”

“Good girl,” Jeonghan said with a smile.

“Can you do me another favor, Denisse-ssi?”

“Of course, what is it?”

“Could you sit beside me so I can lean on your shoulder?  I really don’t want to lie down again as I feel weaker. But I just want to sit and rest my head for a while.”

“Yeah, sure.”

 

I reluctantly seated myself beside Jeonghan, leaning back on the headboard like he did.

He gently placed his head on my right shoulder.  

 

“Gomawo, Denisse-ssi.”

 

I barely heard him whisper.  I guess he was quite sleepy considering it was already quite late.

I wondered where the others might be.

I felt too comfortable leaning back on the cushioned headboard.

Jeonghan smelled good too, sitting so close, his pretty face close to mine.

Slowly, exhaustion came over me and I fell  asleep.

 

After half an hour passed, I suddenly snapped awake but couldn’t move my head.

I was sitting on a bed, my head on some guy’s shoulder. 

And I felt his head resting on mine.

My sudden movement must have woken him.

 

“Denisse-ssi, are you awake?”

 

It was Jeonghan.

I felt him move, lifting his head and freeing mine.

I remembered where I was and why I was there.

“Mianhae.  I fell asleep, too.”

“It’s fine.  I actually felt more comfortable leaning on your head.  Your shoulder was a little too low.”

“How did we, end up like that, I mean?”

“I realized you were already out when your breathing changed.  When I looked up, your head was just hanging towards your left.”

“Oh, did I wake you with my snoring?”

“Not exactly.  Your breathing just deepened.  I worried your neck might feel sore if I left you in that pose.  So, I sat up higher and pulled you towards me...”

“Omo! Mianhae, Jeonghan.”

“No need for apologies.  It was a better position for me, too.  I was forced to stretch my spine and keep from slouching  so I could rest my head on top of yours. Just like how it was on our flight to Japan, remember?”

“It was?  I guess, it was.”

 

So, THAT was Jeonghan.

 

“Anyway, I’m the one who should thank you for being here.  If you didn’t knock, I may have stayed in bed, feeling worse.  This time of the year, I tend to feel a bit down, more than usual.”

“Shouldn’t you feel the opposite, especially with your birthday coming up, cheonsa?”

“I should, right?  But I can’t help it.  Maybe because I’m forced to reflect on what happened the past year.  I often worry about what’s in store for me and SVT.”

“Well, if you ask me, you always have the power to influence what happens in the future.  You just need to know exactly how the future that you want looks like, your vision, your dream.  Only then can you deliberately influence everything that would happen, from now until you’ve completed that picture.”

“Omo, that is profound, Denisse-ssi.  I never thought you’d be this mature gauging from how carefree you seem, laughing all the time.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.  You’re not so bad yourself.”

“What makes you say that?”

 

Jeonghan seemed to be more awake and eager to talk even  as the night deepened.

 

“Umm, I noticed that the other SVT members seek your advice whenever they have problems or issues to resolve.  You’re just like a guardian angel.”

 

Jeonghan smiled at the comparison.

 

“What else have you observed?”

“I also know that you are the ‘Mom’ of SVT, and you take care of all the boys.  Being a hyung and eomma (mother), you keep the group tight. Maybe, that’s why you feel anxious about the future ‘coz if SVT members go separate ways, it would seem like your failure as their mom.”

“Daebak, you really do understand.  No wonder Cheol requested you to be with his unit.  You’re a great listener.”

“I don’t think he knew me well enough then, for that to be his reason.”

“Maybe.  But later, he did.  Why else would he ask Hana and Trixie to change seats with us so we can sit with you on the plane?”

 

Refusing to believe what I just heard, I instinctively stood up.

 

“Are you kidding right now?  Don’t tease me, Jeonghan!”

“I’m not joking.  I was with Cheol when he insisted on the change and he didn’t let up even with Hanas’s objections.”

“Well…how come you changed seats, too?”

 

Caught off guard, Jeonghan avoided eye contact.

 

“I...I just wanted to tag along.  Cheol and I usually discuss a lot of things as hyungs, so…”

“Really? That’s how you wanna play it?”

 

Though I wasn’t seriously angry, Jeonghan was such a charmer if he wanted to be.

I doubt anybody could stay furious at him for long.

Especially when he imprisoned my hand in both of his, pleading with his eyes, slightly tugging me to sit down.

 

“Don’t be mad , Denisse-ssi.  Please come back. I still am feeling a little weak.  Would you please, please let me rest on your shoulder again?”

 

I wasn’t really that angry so I let him pull me back to the bed, sitting beside him..

 

“I kind of regret not having you as our unit’s PD.  Had I known you then, I wouldn’t have let Cheol have his way so easily.”

“And what would be your reason then, had you known me?”

“Although I seem to be laid back and resting most of the time, I enjoy observing people.  And I’ve seen you. Not only that you’re talented, but how well you take care of HHU, how generous you are attending to the needs of everyone else.  Helping out any way you can. How fun and light it is to have you around. And when you listen, to me even, you really hear and get the message. You don’t just pretend to understand ‘coz you are really interested.  I’m sure if you asked any SVT member if they had a choice among PDs, you’d win the votes.”

 

Jeonghan’s low voice was so sweet and rhythmic that I felt being lulled to sleep while he spoke.

I felt tired and was really forcing myself awake.

I still wanted to hear what Jeonghan was sharing but I was already in and out of consciousness.

Jeonghan swept some of the hair that has fallen on my face and tucked it behind my left ear. 

Probably noticing that I was no longer responding, Jeonghan slightly nudged me.

 

“But I really am telling the truth, also about Cheol.  I think he’s interested in you. I am.”

 

I barely heard the last two words Jeonghan spoke.

Unsure of what he said, I forced myself to stay awake, resting my head on Jeonghan’s shoulder while he rested his on mine.

Jeonghan was silent for some time, as if weighing what he would say next.

 

“Denisse-ssi, don’t be offended with what I’ll ask, okay?”

 

I felt his soft breath on my face.  I was slowly drifting to sleep, my eyes already closed.

 

“Uh-hum, Jeonghan. What is it?”

“Do you really like Cheol?”

 

Before I could answer, I was already out.


	10. X

It’s SVT’s last concert day in the Philippines, our last stop before we return to Korea.

Our flight back is on Saturday, the day after tomorrow.

I already asked Hana’s permission to go visit my family and sleep over.

I promised to be back at the hotel tomorrow afternoon after my lunch date with Jeanne.

Only a couple more days before SVT returns to Seoul so I have to make the most of it.

I decided to skip the team dinner that night.

Strangely, Cheol didn’t have a lot of requests as he usually did.

Quite the opposite in fact as he seemed a bit aloof and somewhat serious since yesterday.

If I didn’t know better, I’d think that he was angry at me for some reason.

But I’m doubtful that I or whatever I did would matter the least bit to affect his mood.

I discarded it as just one of his moods that he’ll soon get over.

As I was about to rush out of the hotel, Jeonghan caught up with me at the lobby and grabbed me by the elbow.

 

“Hey, Denisse-ssi!  Where are you off to?  Dinner won’t be until 10:30 PM.”

“Uhm, yeah, I know.  But I won’t be going.”

“Why not?”

 

Jeonghan sounded surprised and a bit stern.

 

“I have a date.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes, seriously!”

“With whom?”

“With Jeanne.”

“Hmm.  Interesting.  Does Cheol know?”

“I don’t…does he have to?  Hana knows. Sorry, Jeonghan, but I really have to go.  I’ll be back tomorrow evening.. Annyeong, Jeonghan-ssi.”

“An...annyeong..”

 

I kind of heard disappointment in Jeonghan’s voice but I didn’t have the luxury to probe since I was in a hurry.

I had to meet my sister right away to hitch a ride home.

She worked part-time in Makati and drove the car to work.

She was supposed to watch the concert and meet me after but she couldn’t get out of an important meeting.

We just agreed to meet at The Coffee Project near her office.

 

I miss my family a lot.

Both my parents still worked and all my siblings are still studying.

Before I left for Korea, we only had the weekends to really spend together as a family.

Even then, there were other activities that took up our supposedly ‘free’ days.

I must admit that technology has made it a lot easier to keep in touch even across long distances.

Social media is now an indispensable part of everyone’s life wherever they are in the world.

So keeping track of a person’s activities and latest concerns was easy-peasy.

Whenever some important family matter needed to be resolved right away, it was quite easy to make a video call.

With my schedule, however, I was often preoccupied with work to sneak in a call home or chat online for ‘pleasure.’

I guess I just need to put in more effort to stay connected since I’ve already adjusted to living in Korea.

This time around, I only get to spend less than 24 hours with my family before I leave again.

When Jeanne and I got home, everyone was already asleep, save for dad who waited up for us.

Since I was already tired from the day’s hectic schedule, Jeanne too from work, we did the basic courtesies and went straight to bed for an early start the following morning.

 

My family day, or should I say ‘half-day’ went by quickly.

We ate a buffet lunch at The Alley by Vikings at the 2nd Level Phase 2 Building of UP Town Center.

My Carat friend Celene joined us to celebrate her birthday, same as Jeonghan’s on October 4.

Her family stayed in the province so we sort of adopted her.

Jeanne also brought her boyfriend Enzo since it was actually a triple celebration.

Jeanne’s birthday will be on the 23rd while Arki’s is on the 29th.

Danyael, my teenage brother is also with his girlfriend, Nikki.

They’ve been together since 8th grade.

Dimples, my younger sister who also happens to be a Carat is fast becoming a real lady, very pretty.

Her bias is Woozi so I gave her an album I asked Jihoon to write a  dedication on.

I’m sure she’d sleep with it under her pillow every night.

My mom is also into K-Pop, thanks to my influence.

We often watch K-drama series together, or at least simultaneously.

Whenever the plot presented a mystery to solve or unrevealed facts or back stories, my mom usually “forecasts” what the story behind could be.

Surprisingly, she gets them right quite often.

Talk about a Korean-minded mom.

She also indulges my K-Pop obsession, financing my Hi-Touch ticket to SVT’s Diamond Edge Tour in 2017 and my VIP Standing access to their Cutting Edge Tour in 2018.

When SVT releases new songs, I urge my mom to watch and listen to them on YouTube repeatedly, which she obligingly does.

As for my dad, he often doesn’t have a choice when we go on a marathon screening of our K-Dramas.

He seemed to enjoy it anyway, the few times that he did watch.

One time, we were watching Lee Min Ho’s “Legend of the Blue Sea” and the last episode we watched kind of had a hanging end.

My dad was more eager than any of us to play the next episode, excited to know what happened after.

 

At about 2PM, our hunger was more than sated with all that we ate and drank.

Still, my time with my family felt really short.

After listening to stories of how I ‘survived’ Korea for the past seven months, they sent me off with a lot of hugs and kisses, enough to tide me over the holidays, including the new year.

Jeanne will be coming over to Seoul this winter to “keep me warm” anyway so there was that to look forward to.

Hana already said yes about Jeanne staying at the dorm and coming with me to work.

Since Sam asked to go on vacation and spend the holidays with her family, I’d be left alone to handle HHU.

Having an extra pair of hands to assist at no extra cost closed the deal for Hana.

 

Jeanne and Enzo dropped me off at the hotel at around 5 PM.

It was already growing a bit dark, but the sky had a serenity and rose quartz tinge, with the sun setting on the horizon.

Beautiful.

When we reached the front entrance, Jeanne got off and gave me a long embrace before finally driving off.  

I crossed the wide driveway and was almost at the door when I saw Cheol rushing towards me, almost knocking me out as he went past.

He seemed to have seen someone he wanted to see and was very disappointed to have missed.

Turning back to enter the lobby, I noticed that Cheol was a bit distracted.

He even went past me, walking ahead absentmindedly, to join the rest of SVT as I soon realized.

All of them were waiting for Cheol, apparently.

They looked all set to go out for some fun.

Jeonghan was the first to greet me.  

 

“Denisse-ssi, did Cheol meet you at the lobby?”

 

He noticed that I came back with Cheol.

 

“Uhm, not really.  By the way, saengil chukhahae, Jeonghan-ssi.”

 

I handed him the perfume I bought with Jeanne at UP Town Center.

It was a fresh scent I chose which reminded me of Jeonghan.

 

“You...you remembered? Kamsahamnida, Denisse-ssi.”

 

Jeonghan was flashing another one of his dazzling smiles and I forgot all about Cheol’s cold treatment.

 

“I thought you weren’t coming.  I felt sort of disappointed, going out to celebrate without you.  I won’t take no for an answer. Come with us, please-su.”

 

Jeonghan’s face was so angelic and his eyes were pleading for me to say yes.

So, I found myself nodding even though I was still a bit full and a lot tired.

In the van, I sat by the window behind the driver and Jeonghan occupied the seat beside me.  

Cheol sat in front beside the driver.

On the way, Jeonghan gently covered my hand with his.

It felt kind of reassuring in contrast to Cheol’s inattentiveness so I made no attempts to pull my hand away.

DK was sitting behind me with Seungkwan on his right.

“It’s good that you caught us on the way out, Noona.  Hyung kept on asking about you and didn’t seem to wanna go if you didn’t.”

 

Which ‘hyung’ it was, I dared not ask.

Every now and then, I saw Cheol steal a look through the rearview mirror.

He had a smile on but his eyes told a different story.

 

During every ‘last meal’ in a country, the PDs come up with challenges for the SVT boys to do.  

And as always, everyone had a fun time.

Even Cheol who seemed quite serious earlier was laughing, as well as Jeonghan who was sick just days ago was happily joining in on the craziness.

It was always heartwarming watching them enjoy themselves.

They seemed just like small boys playing, not the big idols that they have become.

I’ve grown very fond of all 13 of them.

They were like an extension of my family, how each of them made me feel accepted and appreciated.

I would do anything in my power to protect them, especially from those who would cause SVT to break apart.

 

The drive back to the hotel was more quiet.

With everyone having eaten their fill, and some even having tried the various cocktails, all seemed ready to retire for the night.

We occupied the same seats, and after just a few minutes, most were dozing off.

Cheol, now more brazen, took a couple of side glances while seated in front.

Both times, our eyes met.

Both times, he seemed to have wanted to say or do something but was having second thoughts about it.

When we reached the hotel, we got on the elevators in batches.  

We let the SVT boys go ahead with some of the PDs.

Cheol was among those who got in first.

When he saw that I was still waiting outside as the elevator doors started to close, he seemed to have wanted to get off but it was too late.

 

I’ve been in bed for almost an hour.

It’s almost midnight.  

I kept on theorizing what the reason could be for Cheol’s current state.

 

I tried thinking about the previous night when I stayed with Jeonghan to keep him company.

I remember portions of our conversation but must have dozed off at some point.

When I woke up, I was alone on the bed.

Jeonghan was nowhere in sight.

When my eyes got used to the dark, I noticed that the other beds were occupied so I didn’t bother to turn on the lights.

Looking at my watch, I realized that I overslept.

I managed to sneak out of VU’s room and into the one I shared with the other PDs, with no one the wiser.

After jumping in bed, I barely got a few minutes of shut-eye when the lead PD announced call time.

It was concert day 1 and everyone knew it would be another busy day for Team SVT so we had to take advantage of an early start.

The rest of the day went by in a blur.

As agreed, my Carat friends and I met again and excitedly exchanged more stories over coffee.

It was almost midnight when I had to call it a night and say my goodbyes since we still had another concert scheduled the following evening.

 

\-----------------

 

The reunion was a couple of days ago and the concert tour ended yesterday night.

I tried to solve the mystery of Cheol’s strange behavior.

In contrast with the other HHU members who were asking assistance and requesting the usual items, Cheol was not as ‘dependent’ these last few days, unusually so.

He barely spoke a word to me and I was feeling strangely left out.

Looking at my phone, it’s already a quarter past midnight, October 5.

Jeonghan’s birthday was over, October 4.

He turned 23 yesterday, October 4.

All of a sudden, it hit me.

The date.

The “date.”

Our “date.”

It was supposed to be tonight, I mean last night.

And I totally forgot.

Is that why Cheol was acting that way?

But he could’ve easily reminded me.

He was really pushy the last time he mentioned it, in Hong Kong.

So why the ‘timidity’ now?

Instead of feeling apologetic, I was beginning to feel my temper rising.

Our room has air-conditioning but I felt hot-headed, I got out from under the sheets.

Was he so eager to get out of the bet that he acted indifferent all of a sudden?

I would not have given it much thought if he changed his mind about it.

He just needed to say so.

But why am I losing sleep now thinking about it?

 

\-----------------

 

We’ve been back in Seoul for almost 2 months.

Although SVT’s concert tour was over the first week of October, there were a lot of scheduled promotional activities that came after.

Cheol and I never really got to discuss the “date” we were supposed to have.

I didn’t bother reminding him about it anyway since there had been several “dinners” that we were together, only they don’t exactly qualify as “dates.”

Just a month ago, November 8 to be exact, we celebrated Minghao’s 22nd birthday over dinner.

I cooked “pancit” for him and the rest of SVT and they all seemed to find my Filipino version delicious.

Exactly two weeks after, on November 22, we had another meal for Woozi who turned 23.  Upon request, I prepared refrigerator cakes and “leche flan” for each of them, one ‘llanera’ each.

All of them seemed to enjoy the dessert, even Seungcheol who didn’t have a sweet tooth.

Seeing how satisfied they all were with the food I prepared and hearing their praises and words of appreciation made all my efforts worth it.

 

Now, we’re halfway through December and snow is already everywhere.

Sam already flew out on her vacation and I am left to attend to the HHU boys.

That afternoon, the SVT boys had a game of “cham-cham-cham” during rehearsal break.

The ultimate loser was to buy snacks for everyone.

Since Wonwoo was usually the best at this game, he was the last to play while everybody else paired up.

Seungcheol ended up as the final match contender where, surprisingly, Wonwoo lost.

Rehearsals are about to resume so, with nothing better to do, I offered to run the errand for Wonwoo.

After taking everybody’s orders of what snacks and beverages they wanted and typing them in my phone, I went to the convenience store careful not to fall on the slippery pavement.

After paying at the cashier and making sure I had everything, I walked out on the streets carrying two bags each, left and right to keep my balance.

Halfway back, about a couple hundred meters away, it has already grown a little dark so I decided to walk a bit faster.

As I stepped off a corner to cross an alley, I landed my left foot on a slippery patch on the sidewalk.

On the way down, I thought about the breakable bottles in the bags I carried and instinctively tried to protect them from hitting the ground.

In my attempt to do so, I twisted my body as I fell, putting all the weight I carried on my right foot.

Down on the floor, I thought I was fine except for some soreness on my bottom.

As I tried to get up, I suddenly felt a sharp pain as I tried to stand on my right leg.

I seem to have sprained my right ankle, the same one I broke several years ago.

Looking at how swollen my ankle was and the violent pain that I felt whenever I tried to put weight on it, I knew that I wouldn’t be able to walk on it the whole way back.

I had to get help.

The snow kept falling and not a lot of people were still out on the streets.

I pulled my phone out from my pocket to call and ask someone to fetch me.

However, it was already off and wouldn’t turn on; apparently, the battery was fully discharged.

I managed to drag myself to the corner, sitting on one of the crates in an alley under the canopy of a closed fruit stand.

The few people that walked past went by in such a hurry I couldn’t manage to put in a word to ask for help.

I started feeling desperate as the night air grew colder, feeling frozen as the minutes ticked by despite the jacket I had on.

Realizing that I may have to spend the night where I was if I didn’t attempt anything or get immediate help, my eyes started to sting.

I pitied myself for having gotten into such a situation but tried to muster enough courage and strength to endure the pain of walking, all the way back.

I can do this.  

This pain does not compare with Seungcheol’s silent treatment which I had been enduring the past weeks.  

So I’m quite sure, I’ll survive this.

With my vision still blurry from the tears I shed out of desperation and pain, I lifted the bags containing the precious food for my boys, ready to embark on my journey back, inch by inch.

I noticed two guys running towards me which made my heart beat faster, in fear of what they could be up to this late in the evening.

As they approached and came under the light of the lamppost, I realized that one of them was Wonwoo, and with him was Seungcheol.

When they saw and recognized me, the worried look they had at first was replaced with an expression of relief.

Wonwoo was the first to speak up.

 

“Denisse-ssi, what happened?  Why didn’t you come back? Everyone’s so worried!”

“I...I bought the snacks...from the convenience store...but slipped...on the way back…I couldn’t walk.  And my phone...it was off...so I couldn’t call… and ask for help.”

 

I didn’t know why but seeing Wonwoo and Seungcheol seemed such a shock that tears started to fall down my cheeks again as if a dam broke, and breathing became difficult.

Seeing my sorry state and how shaken up I was, Seungcheol sat beside me and hugged me tightly, without a word.

As if by instinct, he ran his hand on my hair and back, trying to comfort me as I sobbed on his shoulder.

Wonwoo didn’t say a word the whole time Seungcheol and I sat there.

When I was able to gain my composure, Seungcheol released me and picked up the bags, intending to carry them.  

When I tried to get up and almost lost my balance, Wonwoo caught me.

He noticed the pain that registered on my face and realized that my injury made it impossible for me to walk on my own.

 

“I’ll have to carry you on my back. We can’t have you worsening your condition.  Mianhae.”

 

Seungcheol frowned a bit, looking at Wonwoo incredulously.

 

“Hey, Wonwoo-ya, I’m stronger so I should be the one to carry Denisse-ssi.  Get the bags.”

“I’m strong enough and Denisse-ssi isn’t that heavy.  I’ve carried her before. Besides, it’s my fault she got injured.  You just carry the bags, hyung.”

 

Wonwoo crouched and I, not wanting to cause him more embarrassment, decided to let him carry me.

Seungcheol couldn’t argue anymore and just took on the task of carrying the four bags back to Pledis, walking behind Wonwoo who carried me on piggyback.

When we got back to Pledis, Wonwoo seated me on one of the couches in the lounge area.

Jeonghan and the other SVT members flocked around me asking what happened, showing concern just like when Vernon got injured.

And similar to what I did for him before, Vernon quickly got the ice pack from the pantry and attended to my injured ankle.

Seungcheol placed the bags on the table and started emptying them.

Jeonghan sat beside me, concerned about what happened and if I had other injuries or was aching elsewhere.

Wonwoo, seated on my right, couldn’t stop apologizing although I reassured him several times that it was an accident and not anyone’s fault.

After reassuring everyone that I was fine, I took out my phone from my pocket and asked to have it charged because the list of their orders was there.

In my state, I still felt it was my duty to make sure everybody got fed without delay knowing how exhausted they usually get after rehearsals.

Jeonghan was quick to take charge, being a little bit overprotective.

 

“Don’t worry about it.  We’ll take care of the food.  Also, later, I’ll take you back to the dorms, okay?”

“Uhh.. I’m too heavy.  Just find me some sort of crutch, I can manage by myself.  You don’t need to bother…”

 

Jeonghan was not asking permission and appeared set on what he intended to do.

 

“Stop.  No more discussions.  It’s decided.”

 

Wonwoo also offered to carry me again to the dorms but Jeonghan glared at him so he no longer pushed the idea.

Seungcheol, who was still emptying the contents on the table in front of us, witnessed the whole exchange and stopped what he was doing.

 

“Yeoreobeun, get your own food and clean up after.  Jigeum baro!”

 

He seemed to have shifted into a foul mood though I didn’t have the faintest idea why.  

He also acted indifferent towards me, considering how tender he was earlier.

After eating and putting the room in order, everyone started to head out to retire for the night.

As agreed, Jeonghan carried me to the dorms while Wonwoo and Seungcheol walked beside us.

 

“Denisse-ssi, you should take a break tomorrow.  I’ll take care of the HHU while you rest and recover.”

“Wonwoo’s right.  I’ll tell Hana what happened tonight and ask her to let you rest for a couple of days.  I’m sure the rest of HHU can manage. Right, Cheol-a?”

“Yeah.  We’ll need you more next week since the next few days will just be rehearsals.  You just rest and recover.”

 

When we got to the dorms, Wonwoo, Seungcheol, and Jeonghan stayed to make sure I had everything I needed within reach of the bed.

After reassuring them that I can manage on my own and reminding that they still had rehearsals tomorrow, I was able to force them to leave and go back to their own sleeping quarters.

When my head hit the pillows, I felt the stress of the day and the evening’s shock wash over me, my mind slipping quickly into unconsciousness and sleep.

 

\--------------------

 

_I was standing on a snow-covered street.  It was a bit frosty but I was still able to tolerate the chilly breeze._

_In front of me, not far off, were three guys, walking._

_They all seemed familiar, though one was especially so, even from behind._

_I tried to run after them but I was unable to move._

_I didn’t see any reason why but my feet wouldn’t budge._

_Out of impulse and desperation, I called the name of the one I knew._

_After all, what was there to lose?  This was just a dream anyway._

 

_“SEUNGCHEOLl!!!”_

 

_The one on the left immediately looked around and spotted me._

_Recognizing who I was, he spoke briefly to his is two companions who went on ahead._

_When Seungcheol reached me, he was smiling although his eyes seemed a bit sad._

 

_“Hey, how have you been?  And what are you doing out, walking this late?”_

_“Well, my friends and I just accompanied one of our PDs home.”_

_“Really, you do house calls now?  This PD must be really special.”_

_“It’s not that, actually.  She injured her ankle and she couldn’t walk on it.  So we...helped her get back to the dorms.”_

_“Oh, sorry to hear that.  You...you carried her?”_

 

_Seungcheol’s face registered annoyance as he responded spontaneously._

 

_“No.  Jeonghan did, on his back.”_

_“Wow, that really is considerate of Jeonghan.  I kind of envy that PD. Who is it, anyway?”_

_“Yes.  It’s Denisse-ssi.”_

_“Oh.”_

 

_After a few awkward moments of silence, Seungcheol’s mind appeared to remain elsewhere._

 

_“Seungcheol, I just wanted to congratulate you on your back-to-back wins these last couple of weeks.  I heard it on the news.”_

_“Oh yeah.  Thanks.”_

 

_He was still responding on auto-pilot and didn’t show much emotion._

_Feeling my legs grow numb as the cold started to permeate my inadequate winter outfit, I said my goodbyes._

_I looked at his face and his absent-minded expression._

_Looking past his shoulder to the window display across the street, I noticed a pinwheel slowly turning with the soft frigid wind._

_Until finally, it stopped and everything slowly turned black._

_My last glimpse of Seungcheol was his confused state, finally seeing me and trying to catch my hand, attempting to pull me out of the darkness that was fast growing around me._

_But, the darkness won._

 

_\-----------------_

 

My sister Jeanne is scheduled to arrive a couple of days before Christmas.

Sam has already left early December to spend the holidays with her family back home.

I’d be left by myself and having my sister over would certainly help with my situation.

Especially, as I was still recovering from the injured ankle and couldn’t move as fast as I used to.

I’m sure Jeanne will enjoy helping out cause her bias, Mingyu, would be the one she’d be assisting.

I just have to brief her on the protocols so as to make sure she doesn’t overstep.

With her personality, she can be prone to violating unwritten rules in terms of propriety and such.

 

Jeanne arrived in Seoul on December 23, as scheduled.

She just graduated the week before but already set her plans to travel to Korea and visit me long before then.

I was out with SVT for a promotional event; I couldn’t meet Jeanne at Incheon Airport.

Being the driver that she is, my sister easily found her way to the dorm where I stayed.

I couldn’t contain my excitement at having her with me now in Korea.

Off the air, Jeonghan noticed my unusual energy as I barely sat for long and was actively tapping on my phone.

 

“You seem a bit distracted, Denisse-ssi.  Is there a problem back home?”

 

These past weeks, compared with any of the other SVT boys, Jeonghan paid more attention to what I was up to.

 

“Actually, it’s my sister Jeanne.  She just flew in from the Philippines and she’ll be staying with me over the holidays.”

“Wow!  That is great news.  You won’t feel so homesick now.”

 

Jeonghan was really sweet.

I never thought he’d care enough to notice that I was having some difficulty these past few months.

Missing my family was to be expected, but walking on eggshells around Cheol was another difficulty I’d rather not endure, nor admit to.

Having Jeanne around even for just two weeks would definitely boost my confidence.

I often try to emulate her candor, calling a spade a spade and not beating around the bush.

Soon, I will talk to Cheol and confront him about his behavior and cold treatment.

Soon.

When I got to the dormitory, Jeanne was already in bed.

She must have been exhausted from the trip.

As for me, commuting in the Philippines with the heavy traffic was much more tiresome.

 

The next day, Jeanne decided to stay at the dorm for the day.  

She wanted to enjoy the cool winter weather after her ordeal of going through the tons of paperwork for her graduation.

Jeanne finished her degree in BS Mathematics a little delayed.

She used to study late nights to make sure she passed but she had difficulty with her less “practical” majors which dealt with more complex math.

I guess, on that aspect, I am the gifted one.

I found math comparatively easier to understand than she did.

Enough, in fact, that I got into the Electronics and Communications Engineering Department of the University of the Philippines.

With the limited slots vis-a-vis the growing demand for ECE graduates, I’d say competition was stiff.

However, I had a change of heart when I took a communications class which, in a nutshell, led me to Speech Comm which I now have a degree on.

My shift did not end there as I got influenced by K-Pop culture, becoming one of the many carats in the SVT Fandom.

My infatuation reached such an extent that I took basic and advanced Korean as my language electives, even my Speech Comm thesis was about Filipino carats and their unique “language.”

Not that I have reason to complain.

My family, especially my mom, indulges my obsession over SVT.

She bought my concert tickets when I was still in college, about to graduate, supposedly on loan.

After, when I got a job, she didn’t require me to strictly “contribute” to the household budget, nor settle my “loan” outright.

She knew and have learned to accept that I, though unmarried, already have a big “family” to support, with 13 demanding boys to provide for.

Even my first visit to Korea for Caratland was initially financed by my mom, another loan I promised to pay.

Until now, she supports me by streaming SVT’s new MVs.

Not that I have to force her to.  

She actually enjoys watching their choreo videos and finds Hoshi’s ingenious steps awesome.

As a singer herself, she is quite impressed with Jihoon’s musical genius and the vocal athleticism of the whole VU.

Among the 13, my mom likes Jeonghan the most.

For her, besides being SVT’s “mom,” Jeonghan is the prettiest and most charming.

That’s why, when I told her about the “switch” when I got reassigned from VU to HHU, she was most disappointed.

But she shares in my excitement about SVT, and even my distress when negativity is directed towards the group.

According to her, those who express such hostility may feel stuck with their K-Pop group and are just helpless to transfer to SVT for fear of being disloyal.

Well, carat mom indeed.

 

My sister Jeanne, on the other hand, likes SVT primarily because of Mingyu, her bias.

I promised to introduce them when she came with me to Pledis, one of these days.

 

Christmas is a busy day in Korea, with all the festivities.

As for SVT, we have a promo guesting on one of the radio programs for the latest Mini-Album releases.

In my rush, I left my phone at the dorm when I left for work early in the morning.

Fortunately, Jeanne was there to bring it over before it was time for the group to go.

Borrowing Jeonghan’s phone, I just texted her using the exact address so she can quickly grab a taxi.

 

I secured a visitor’s pass and met Jeanne at the main entrance of Pledis.

 

“Hey, thanks for dropping it off.  I really need the phone for busy days like this.”

“No worries.  It felt good to get out of the dorm.  So, what now?”

“Come.  I’ll introduce you to the other PDs.  SVT is in a closed conference right now  so I’m not sure if you’ll get to meet them today.”

 

When we got to one of the conference rooms, Hana was there giving last-minute instructions to some of the other staff.

 

“Hey, Hana. I’d like you to meet my dongsaeng, Jeanne.”

“Woah!  I thought I was seeing double, if not for the hair.  Glad to meet you, Jeanne.”

 

Jeanne and I looked at each other, unconvinced.

People often tell us we looked similar though we both found it hard to believe.

Jeanne looked like Dad and I looked like Mom, although some said our parents could be cousins.

Actually, our younger sister Dimples was a combination of Jeanne and me, as seen in our childhood photos.

Hana bowed in greeting; Jeanne bowed awkwardly in response.

 

“Glad to hear you’ll be assisting Denisse-ssi over the holidays. Her partner’s on vacation and we really need all the help this time of year.”

“It’s my pleasure.  Thanks for having me.”

 

I gave Jeanne a mini-tour of the Pledis building for a bit before it was time to go.

While waiting for the taxi I booked for her, Jeanne and I got to talk about home.

 

“Well, as expected, Mom and Dad miss you since it’s gonna be their first Christmas without you.  But other than that, everything’s fine, normal.”

 

Somehow, I detected in Jeanne’s voice that something was bothering her.

Seeing the taxi approaching, I didn’t get the chance to probe.

 

“Let’s have a Christmas dinner later, just the two of us.”

“Sure.  I’d like to see Seoul at night.  I bet it’s gonna be spectacular with all the Christmas decor.”

“Be ready by 8 PM.”

 

I walked up to hail the taxi, waving it to come closer.

Jeanne was left standing near the main entrance.

Just then, Mingyu came rushing out and tapped her on the shoulder.

 

“Noona, we’ll be going...soon.”

 

Mingyu’s eyes widened when Jeanne turned.

 

“Omo, mianhae.  I thought you were Denisse-ssi.”

“Really?  I never could get over that comment, no matter how many times I hear it.”

 

Jeanne was smiling confidently, not aware exactly who she was talking to.

Mingyu saw me as the taxi approached, confusion registering on his face.

 

“Hey, Mingyu.  I’d like you to meet my sister, Jeanne.”

“Annyeong, Jeanne-na.”

“Oh! A...annyeong, Mingyu.”

 

Jeanne was dazzled, realizing she was actually face-to-face with her SVT bias.

She lifted her hand for a handshake.

Mingyu, who was unfamiliar with the gesture and was already doing a bow in greeting, instinctively took Jeanne’s hand and kissed it.

Jeanne felt a current run through her arm from where Mingyu’s lips touched her hand and could no longer move.

They were just smiling at each other, for an awkwardly long time.

With the taxi already waiting, I took Jeanne by the arm and led her to get on.

After the taxi rode off, I turned to go inside.

Mingyu was still there, looking at where the taxi “disappeared,” an absent-minded smile fixed on his face.

 

“Hey, Mingyu.  Let’s go in. Why were you looking for me anyway?”

 

Before Mingyu could respond, Cheol rushed past us as if running after something, or someone.

Not finding anything or anyone, he turned to ask Mingyu.

 

“Who were you just talking to, Mingyu?”

“Who… you mean Noona’s sister?”

 

Cheol turned to me, surprised.

He did not notice that I was actually there and probably felt awkward having to ask me anything after the silent treatment he gave me these past weeks.

I offered an answer without waiting for Cheol to mouth his inquiry.

 

“That’s my sister, Jeanne.  She’s staying with me over the holidays and will be filling in for Sam.”

“Oh.”

 

Cheol went back inside, a confused expression on his face. Mingyu and I followed, entering the building together.

Mingyu kept on asking questions about Jeanne the whole time.

He seemed excited at the prospect of having her assist HHU over the next couple of weeks.

His continuous questioning distracted me from analyzing Cheol’s confusion earlier.

 

The day went by quickly.  

When I got back to the dorm, Jeanne was waiting for me, excited and all dressed up.

Of the two of us, she has better fashion sense and I often consult her when it comes to my wardrobe.

I don’t usually dress up on official duty since PDs would mostly be running around completing errands.

I’d usually wear a shirt and jeans and put on the barest amount of make-up just to be presentable at work.

After changing to my Christmas outfit,  I decided to put on some make-up to fit the mood.

When I finished dabbing on some red lipstick, Jeanne and I went out on our Christmas dinner date.

After ordering, Jeanne started talking with great enthusiasm.

 

“Hey, Ate (big sister)!  Can I start tomorrow?”

“Huh?  Tomorrow? Start what?”

“As SVT’s PD.”

“Don’t you want to rest for a bit?”

“I can do that when I get back home. For now, I’d like more action.”

“Well, I can bring you with me tomorrow and see if Hana would be okay with it.  But you have to know some background on what the job requires.”

“Sure.  Can you help me with that?”

“I think so.  You can read my Carat Journal, for starters.  I wrote a daily account of my life as an SVT PD so it would be quite helpful to get an idea of how things work at Pledis.  Just remind me later to give it to you.”

“I really can’t wait to join you.”

 

Seeing Jeanne’s happy disposition, I hesitated to bring up what I wanted to ask earlier.

However, close as we were, she picked up on my hesitation.

 

“Ate, you seem to be holding up on something. Out with it.”

“Well, I’m just curious.  When I asked you earlier, about how things are back home, I sensed you didn’t tell me the whole of it.”

 

Jeanne’s smile turned sour.

 

“You sensed that, didn’t you?  I thought I could pretend these 2 weeks or just avoid discussing it altogether.”

“Is it about Enzo? You usually chat, text or call every now and then and I haven’t seen you pick up your phone since you got here.”

“Hay, Ate, you know me so well.”

 

Jeanne became a little teary which was quite unusual.

Between the two of us, she’d normally have better control of her emotions and rarely cried.

 

“You know he’s on his 2nd year in Medicine, right?”

“Yes, in UERM.”

“Well, we’ve been discussing our schedule since he’d be getting busier and I’d be starting work soon.”

 

I kept silent, simply nodding in acknowledgment to keep Jeanne talking.

 

“I was suggesting options on how we can still meet, and suddenly, he suggests that we take a break.  I said, ‘Seriously?’ ‘coz I was the one who usually offered a way out whenever we got into serious misunderstandings.  He would normally try to stay with me so we can patch things up.”

“What did Enzo say?”

“He explained that he was really having a hard time studying and felt that I also needed room to adjust now that I’ll be working.  That I wouldn’t be as free to do as I want, more so because he’ll demand some of my time as well.”

“So, what did you both decide?”

“That’s the problem.  We left things hanging.  I was really quite disappointed with how he just seemed to give up. Aarg!”

 

Jeanne let out some sort of a growl, loud enough for those seated nearby to give us a funny look.

She rarely got this upset but when she did, everyone would know for sure.

 

“So what did he say when you left for Korea?”

“That’s the worst part.  He didn’t even bother to make up with me before I left.”

“That’s rather unusual for Enzo.  As long as I’ve witnessed the two of you act around each other, he was the clingy one.”

“Yes. Exactly my thoughts.  I started getting suspicious of his sudden change and I just can’t pinpoint any plausible reason.  No matter how I think about it.”

“Do you sense that a third party could be involved?”

“I’m not a hundred percent sure.  Enzo’s not the type but he is still a guy.  With guys, it’s really hard to know.”

“Well, since you can’t seem to resolve your issues this minute, by yourself, maybe it would be better to set it aside for now.  Try to enjoy your time apart. Maybe, that would give you both a better perspective on your relationship.”

“I guess that would be for the best, Ate.  The more I think about our situation, the angrier I feel and it really doesn’t help.”

“Don’t worry.  Tomorrow, I’ll have more than enough errands for you to run, you’ll find it hard to focus on anything else.  By the way, how’s your Korean?”

 

Jeanne just rolled her eyes and our conversation went uphill from there.

Her excitement over meeting the SVT boys, particularly her bias Mingyu, got her in a lighter mood over the rest of dinner.

 

\-----------------

 

It was the day after Christmas.

While SVT’s schedule was especially full during the holidays, with all the promotions that the boys had to do, everyone enjoyed the merry atmosphere.

It was Jeanne’s first day at Pledis.

I brought her with me to work, partially to keep her “entertained” and partially to help me in Sam’s absence.

While her Korean was a bit rusty, she managed to confidently hold a conversation with Hana and the rest of the PDs.

We were a bit early coming to work because I wanted her to get a head start, familiarizing herself with what PDs were expected to do.

None of the boys were up yet since they had a late night out having Christmas dinner at some restaurant.

I was supposed to join them but excused myself since I already had dinner plans with my sister.

There wasn’t much scheduled today, just rehearsals.

I originally planned to send Jeanne off to wander on her own around the city.

However, she would have difficulty communicating with the locals so she preferred to stay with me.

When we got to the practice room, the only people there were the staff.

My sister went to sit at a far corner and kept herself preoccupied with her phone.

When Seventeen arrived, they greeted everyone and I approached my HHU boys.

Wonwoo was the first one to notice my sister.

 

“Denisse-ssi, who’s the new girl?”

 

The other HHU members turned their attention to where Wonwoo was looking.

Jeanne was looking down on her phone, not realizing SVT already entered the room.

I was about to answer when Seungcheol approached her.

 

“Alecx! You work here now?  Is that why you were here the last time?”

 

My sister got up to greet Seungcheol, confused as to how he seemed to know her.

 

He gave Jeanne a quick hug as if he had known her long and only got to see her now after a long time.

 

“Uhm, hi! Uhhh, S. Coups, right?  Not exactly… I’m just here to visit my sister and help her out a bit. Right, Ate?”

 

Although Jeanne motioned me to join them, I stood frozen.

Those in the room were a bit surprised, including me.

 

“What are you talking about?  Remember that night you called me over.  Jeonghan, Wonwoo, and I were walking and you were behind us. I ran back to meet you on the sidewalk.”

“Uhh, I just got here a couple of days ago, so that would not be possible.”

“What’s impossible is how you disappeared again.  Right in front of me. I even tried to grab your hand!  Don’t you remember?”

“I, disappeared?  How did I do that?  Are you sure it was me?”

“You are Alecx, right?”

 

Seungcheol started to doubt if he could have mistaken my sister for somebody else.

 

“Well, that is my second name.  My sister and I both...”

 

Seungcheol cut Jeanne mid-sentence, too eager to get all his questions asked rather than answered.

 

“If you’re acting this way because of how I was the last time, jeongmal mianhae.  We never got to talk and I never got to call you.”

“Err, I don’t know how you’d be able to ‘coz I don’t recall giving  you my number.”

“You did, don’t you remember? But I think you may have mistyped it ‘coz my calls or text messages never seem to go through.  Well, at least now you’re here.”

“Hey, guys.  She’s Alecx, the girl I told you about.”

 

Seungcheol seemed to need validation from the other SVT members that he wasn’t just imagining ‘the girl.’

 

“I’m really sorry, S. Coups.  I don’t really go by that name.  My friends call me Jeanne.”

“Really?  That’s your nickname?  It feels strange to call you by a different name.  I always thought Denisse was nice. It’s kinda weird too that you’re not calling me Seungcheol, like you did when we met before.”

 

Jeanne was beginning to be impatient.

 

“But this is really the first time I’m meeting you.  You may have mistaken me for somebody else.”

 

Seungcheol wouldn’t give up, still hoping Jeanne would suddenly recognize her.

 

“Don’t you remember, we met, at the cafe, the convenience store?  We even met in Japan. Last week, you even called me on the street.  Were you in an accident that could’ve caused some temporary amnesia of some sort?”

 

Seungcheol ’s voice started to sound desperate.

Jeanne was unsure how to respond and blurted out whatever came to mind.

 

“I know you because you’re you, but I don’t think we’ve ever met. This is my first time here in Seoul. I’m not even a carat.”

 

My sister shrugged her shoulders, flabbergasted with Seungcheol’s reaction.

What is Seungcheol talking about?

How could he have met Jeanne?

How does he know my sister’s name, her second name even?

Mingyu, recognizing Jeanne, came forward.

 

“Hyung, this is Jeanne, Noona’s dongsaeng.  She was here yesterday, remember?”

 

Not seeming to hear anyone else, Seungcheol kept speaking to Jeanne.

 

“We need to talk! Come with me after rehearsals, okay?”

“Uhh... I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

“Please, please!”

 

Jeanne looked at me seeking help.

Although I myself was bothered by Cheol’s strange behavior, I nodded to Jeanne as a way of granting her permission to go.

 

“Umm, o...okay then.”

 

Jeanne agreed hesitantly.

I don’t understand how I felt exactly.

She is my sister and I love her.

She knows I like Cheol at the very least, though.

And she did say quite strongly before that he is not her type.

She’s more into Mingyu...

What am I thinking?

Of course, I trust Jeanne wouldn’t do anything that would hurt me the slightest.

Still, I couldn’t help but feel a slight pinch in my chest and an emptiness growing from the pit of my stomach.

I guess seeing Cheol like this with another girl, no matter who that is and why they would be together would hurt, somehow.

I was too preoccupied with my own thoughts telling myself that this was all a misunderstanding that I hadn’t noticed Cheol leave the room.

In an effort to fill the awkward silence, Mingyu formally introduced Jeanne to Wonwoo and Vernon.

Good thing Vernon could translate for my sister, as I was too deep in thought to do so.

Mingyu approached me, placing his hand on my shoulder in an effort to see if I’m okay.

I willed myself into the present and found Wonwoo and Vernon already flanking me on both sides.

Vernon placed his arm over my shoulder, something he did frequently and quite naturally too…

Probably in an effort to distract me, Mingyu started a conversation.

 

“Noona, where were you last night?  We missed you at dinner.”

“Jeanne and I had our first Korean dinner together.  Sorry, I couldn’t join you.”

“Yeah, you should be sorry.  The PDs had us thinking of a person we felt really thankful for this year.  Most of us had you in mind. Woozi and the other units even.”

“What’s funny was Seungkwan even protested when you were already mentioned several times before it was his turn.  Like he was worried he won’t get the chance to thank you anymore as if there was a limit to how many times your name can be repeated...It was kinda weird and silly.”

“Yeah, and we were laughing about it the whole time.”

“Real...ly?  I wonder if that would have happened if I was actually there.  You boys are ‘torpe’ and I doubt any of you would have the courage to speak up.”

“What’s ‘torpe,’ noona?”

 

Vernon was fast on the trigger when it came to new words I threw at them.  

It was sort of a game to build their English vocabulary but I also put in some Filipino words.

 

“ _Torpe_ is someone who couldn’t express his true emotions, especially to the one he feels them for.  Either because he is naturally timid or afraid of being rejected.”

“Oh.  If that’s what it is, then all of us were ‘torpe’ at first.  Nobody wanted to start, not even Seungkwan.”

“Not until hyung did, sharing how you were there for him when he got sick and was feeling really down. How much better he felt when you stayed with him late into the night, just to talk and listen, although it wasn’t part of your job.”

“Jeonghan said that?”

“Yes.  Hyung was really se-ri-ous, when he talked about you.  Then after him, the others started sharing their own stories.”

 

Mingyu shared how he told everyone at dinner how big of a help I am with improving his IG posts because I have an eye for what looks good on camera.

And that he enjoys spending time with me because I’m a good listener.

Wonwoo took Gyu’s cue, affirming that I really listen well which made teaching me how to play video games more fun for him.

He even claimed that he took my win over Cheol as his own victory, arch nemesis that they are in gaming.

The kid that he is, Vernon didn’t want to be left out and shared that I was also the one he was thankful for.

Not only for attending to him that time he got hurt but also for tidying up so he no longer loses his things as often.  

He even described how happy he was listening to me play the guitar and sing songs he liked.

I recalled all the stories my dear HHU boys shared and I felt my spirit lift.

I didn’t bother asking what or who Seungcheol thanked.

I was too vulnerable at the moment to keep from tearing up if I heard more disappointing news.

Just then, Jeonghan entered and joined our small circle.

I introduced him to Jeanne as SVT’s angel and my sister couldn’t stop staring.

Jeonghan bowed and smiled, dazzling my sister even more.

As rehearsals were about to start, the rest of SVT came.

After quick introductions, Jeanne and I left for the lounge area so we can discuss her responsibilities more clearly.

Thankfully, I became busy teaching Jeanne what to do that I forgot what was going to happen after.


End file.
